Part 1

my emotions are restless, and my thoughts are abusing
a million ideas racing, it couldn't be more confusing
My future is unclear, I ask God to show my plan
and he responds not with an answer, but a "fuck you man"
Suicide is in heavy debate, but I've never taken the easy way out
those of you who can't get a break know what I'm talkin about
Depression is one step ahead of me, i can't seem to beat it
and the more I go on, the more I continue to feed it
Went to counseling to kill my problems and learn more about me
turns out My problems are stubborn, and won't die without me

Part 2

so than I look to my father who walked out, all he says is"I understand"
and I reply by sayin how the fuck can you do that, your not even a man
when the weight is too heavy i talk to a friend who takes my mind off the pain
but the very next day I get hints that me and my boy are no longer the same
I ask him whats goin on, and if maybe I did something wrong?
than he proceeds to tell me that I'm livin in a song
he tells me that My heart is the beat, My past is the first verse and my future is the last
and that it will change for the better, and just keep the hook in my grasp
I take his advice to heart and slowly start to feel better
than the person who had just saved me died from a steel letter
the sender was obvious, but the message was unclear
tryin to read it, i dropped only one tear
he was one of the few things I had to live for, wondering why he was taken from me
but I wipe off the tear and live like he'd want, cause I knew that he loved me

part 3

I'm jealous of his fate but know I must use it as my motivation
Realize where my mind at isn't right, so I look for relocation
found a comfortable spot, it was kept within a girl
a woman who seemed to change every bad in my world
I've never felt this good, so I decided she was the one
to deliver me from my demons and than to deliver my son
We were inseperable, like we were attatched at the soul
I wish I would have seen that this love had it's toll
she told me she was sick, and she would eventually die from H.I.V
than I dropped to my knees and begged her to tell why she chose me
she answerd by saying true love has no limits, and I wanted to die in your arms
and that she wanted me to keep an eye on our seed so he stayed out of harm
Now I realize that every good thing has something just as bad
and wondering if my future was really worth being a dad
deciding to hang on, to carry out my loves only request
My son was delivered from a hole stretching from her abdomen to her chest
see she had died that night, the labor was too much
I place my son in her arms hoping he would remember her touch

part 4

15 years later, everything I ever lost or never had I have gained through my son
he had this incredible ability to make my life fun
he was caring like his mother, and like my friend he was wild
he even had advice for coping that I wish I had as a child
he gave me the world, and all he wanted was my story
i told him about my past and he smiled with pride and glory
he told me, "dad, you should be proud..your a survivor, and I love you for that"
I started to shed tears, so he hugged me as i told him that I loved him back
many years later, he has grown into a wonderful man
supporting his family by the sweat of his hand

part 5

I have to break some news to him, I feel it will be too devastating
so I keep it to myself and start to prepare my soul for some elevating
I was also diagnosed with aids, i would die very soon
why am I such a victim, why couldn't I die in the womb
The answer becomes clear, I am an example for many generations
when I come to this understanding i quit the hesitation
so i call my son, and tell him the bad news
Hoping that he plays my song to his children so they understand the blues
I hear the phone drop, and soon after get a call from his wife
she tells me that what I had told him had ended his life
once again, I am the victim of theft
my whole world stolen and crushed, i have nothing left
getting sick and tired of the song that i'm hearing
I decide to stop it without caring or fearing
I ended my life at that moment, right there on the spot
as my spirt rises I start to see people wrapping my body in cloth
than I hear the phone ring, the call was meant for me but I didn't get to talk
My son wasn't dead, he passed out from a clott
wondering what the hell have I done, wanting to restart my song
But i can't, all I can hope is that my sons continues to play, but doesn't finish it wrong