sorry for the long wate to ma first post........been relli busy tryna sort shit out an get ma grades up ta scratch....so i wrote this quiky.......dnt h8 ~1~
but 1st of all heres a quik intro......im new to this site........im a 17 year old pakistani girl (dnt h8......lol enuff critisisms alredy).......bein rappin for 1 year an cuple monthes......still tryna elevate...........peace
(get to kno me first b4 u hav stereotypical thoughts......i aint a wannabe...wanna kno how i cme to dis.......ax me !!)






Sometimes in life, people don't play by the rules //
Clip clap wid their gat - lives lost by a fool , bloodpool //
When they shoot shots at eachother,//
Another,Cryin cos she lost her baby brother//
We merkin at eachother, but did you bother to catch a tear//
From the parents of a lost son livin in fear//
Guess not!, coz evil thoughts clash in those brain cells//
Satan runin loose - Dragin people to his depths of hell//
Corrupt society, changin feeble minds like magic//
Inhabitants suffer clamity - suicide - coz they can't hack it//
Drugs, violence, sex - Run through ghettos like water//
Crak, shootin, adultery bringin men to the slaughter,//
U thought huh?, Dreamed but never took the action//
U bin taught by the book but only gave reactions//





p.s uppin for sum honest feebak..........not biggin yoself up

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this was not bad but i think you need to stay away from all the talking about guns because that is really played......you need to try and make your lines near enough the same length so it can flow better because i lost the flow in a couple of places...work on your rhyming to because some words didn't rhyme as well as they could have.....keep elevatin....4/10

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safe..........tnx 4 da replies...helpful info........

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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=176258

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=176259

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the stucture made my eyes bleed

Feel The Effort....sumthin Real .... I Likes But Get Lil Mo Discpritive And It'll Sizzle... Iron

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sfe , like i sed it woz a quik tin lol,,,,,,,,,, lmao @ eyes bleed

sfe tnx for da comments

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Aight, i'ma come real with it....
I like seein femcees doin they thing...

But ya style is a little diffrent from what people usually have on here, no real punches, its like your trynna send out a message, like the female pac lol...
but its aight, just try an broaden your rhyme scheme, in all honesty, lay low on the gun talk n stuff, its aight now n then, but just try mixin it up, add humour, witty lines, an metaphors n stuff, ya feel me?

it was straight tho, you little female pac you lol

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