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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-04-05, 05:45 PM
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#1
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Banned: Cheating
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Once Upon A Time- Single
IP: 5043 32F4
Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time… No one thought of her, helped her, just left Her All alone by herself with no parents to guard Her.. Once Upon A Time… A troubled youth with decisions to make for Life She struggled enough, dont fight with her Christ.. Once upon a time… I fell upon this young girl, with so much Trouble Its like lifes a Bubble, she’s stuck trying to Cuddle Every decision she tried to make, broke like Glass No one ever noticed, the others saw her as Trash Everyone thought of her as somebody so Different She never bothered to learn, just cause she Didn’t Way to many people miss judged her Character And others left her alone, to be called a Rejecter. Once Upon A Time… No one thought of her, helped her, just left Her All alone by herself with no parents to guard Her.. Once Upon A Time… A troubled youth with decisions to make for Life She struggled enough, dont fight with her Christ.. Once Upon A Time… Finally I noticed a hole in the corrupted Scene A teacher from school helped the troubled Teen She started to talk a lot more, as an Advance But all that happened was madness & Trance She could of tried to talk it out to her Councillor But she was to vicious, no one could stop Her Instead she decided to leave, with no such Belief And yet she never tried to relieve all of her Grief. Once Upon A Time… No one thought of her, helped her, just left Her All alone by herself with no parents to guard Her.. Once Upon A Time… A troubled youth with decisions to make for Life She struggled enough, dont fight with her Christ.. Last edited by Parallel : 03-04-05 at 06:58 PM. |
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03-04-05, 05:48 PM
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#2
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2001037
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2001045 Last edited by Parallel : 03-04-05 at 05:52 PM. |
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03-05-05, 12:13 AM
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#3
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
uppin......................
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03-05-05, 12:31 PM
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#4
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
come on peoples uppin
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03-05-05, 12:54 PM
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#5
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IP: 07A8 D079
this remind me of a song... seems like a chorus at teh beginning and in between...
I fell upon this young girl, with so much Trouble Its like lifes a Bubble, she’s stuck trying to Cuddle She started to talk a lot more, as an Advance But all that happened was madness & Trance She could of tried to talk it out to her Councillor But she was to vicious, no one could stop Her Instead she decided to leave, with no such Belief And yet she never tried to relieve all of her Grief. ^^^tight stuff right here.. i was feeling this the concept was coo, the only fault i find is prolly the fact that u said Once Upon a time so much.. it got just a lil' too repetitive..
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03-05-05, 01:50 PM
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#6
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
thanks alot yea i thought it would be something different tho, so i said it alot, uppin
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03-05-05, 11:28 PM
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#7
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GG Haterz
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IP: 0D40 DFDE
So the girl didn't talk, and then when a person helped she went insane? Wtf? Overall this wasn't too bad, but I think if you had developed the story line a little more then it would have been 10 times better. Nothing wrong except try to develop your story more.
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 Quote:
For Anyone Who Wants to Talk to Me  ^^I think this explains my view on gangster rap perfectly. |
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03-05-05, 11:33 PM
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#8
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IP: 93C0 D1DD
This Piece Was Dope Man, This Was A Good Drop, Alot Of Emotion here, Your Structure Was Dope, Of Coarse Coz It Was Just Like Mines, Weerd, Vocabulary And Grammer, I Was Feeling It, Dope Piece Man This SHould Go As Open Mic Of The Year Cozzin, Nuff Said Flow Was Nice, Weerd 10/10
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Knock Out Stroke
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03-06-05, 03:25 AM
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#9
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
yo thanks alot uppin
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03-07-05, 08:58 AM
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#10
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Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Sup man been a long time,... haven't peeped your work in a minute
you have elevated well son,.. Good storyline,. good use of vocab, structure was floorless all round dope verse keep them coming man. Poss colab if you want holla @ me. Stay up 1~ |
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03-08-05, 05:42 PM
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#11
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 997D A94C
critic yea ill collab with you, i wouldnt mind throwing somethign very hard to the vets to check..
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03-09-05, 07:08 PM
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#12
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
uppin...........................
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03-09-05, 10:54 PM
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#13
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Tha Truth
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IP: 0825 899A
Liked dis shit homie good structure good wordplay good flow good verse all around dawg.....i give it a 8/10.......Pz RTF link in my sig
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Kamikazee
[B][CENTER]Tha Truth |
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03-10-05, 09:36 AM
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#14
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
thanks lol uppin
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03-10-05, 11:51 PM
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#15
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 5043 32F4
i never get feed
uppin |
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