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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-27-05, 05:31 AM
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#1
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Pop-Narcisicm
IP: E410 F375
Achieving self-gain from every little angle you've conjured upx Creating melo-dramas with all your soul to feel more superiorxxx more wholex Stealing people's confidence in themselves by cutting them down with your cold-hearted essencex Mentally scaring kids for the rest of their lives from elementry through adolescencex You think you're fooling everyonex You with your fake smile,and perfect hair, You with your perfect teethxxx The facade designed to hide what lies beneathx Quit acting like you dont know who you are, acting like you think you're so innocent so uniquexxx just because theirs no laws against being an arrogant ignorant social nazi doesn't mean that you wont be put in your place by karma's techniquex I'll give you one thingxxx you have it allx its too bad that it wont matter because it never snows where you're going when you fallx |
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03-27-05, 02:24 PM
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#2
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
word......another good one man....this one, i see it everyday, hahha, word
__________________
this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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03-28-05, 01:51 PM
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#3
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IP: E410 F375
upppuppppppupppppppupppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppp
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03-29-05, 08:11 AM
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#4
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IP: E410 F375
Anyone wanna leave some feedback? Thatd be pretty nice....
if not no biggy. |
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03-29-05, 09:33 AM
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#5
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Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP: 555A 79B4
this poem.....hmmmm
look i know the ins n outs of poetry ad this is wack (poet of da month right here lmao) nah real fbak: yo a lot of your lines lack form, structure and imagery and emotion....a lot of your drop seems to be imperative statements or jus simple sentences and thus it sounds more like a normal monologue than a deep heartfelt piece of poetry...the repetition of "you" created a cool effect and helped dirve home a lot of ur metaphors etc...I like the content and approach to this poem, it shows a level of higher thinkin which is dope and shows actual talent and intelligence...id say work on emotion, imagery, similies and creativity Peace RTF, LINK IN SIG TO MY BATTLE AGAINST SUPAMANN
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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03-30-05, 02:58 PM
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#6
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word ^
IP: E410 F375
yeah man I totally preciated the fbak...I like contructive critisism, but I dont like deconstructive critisism > "this poem.....hmmmm
look i know the ins n outs of poetry ad this is wack (poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)be proud(poet of da month right here lmao)and be proud" that.....just seemed kinda superfluous, and self-infatuated thats all man. you coulda left that out, sall good that you didnt think the poem was good, i have a different style than you, just cause it aint the same doesnt mean you should gloat cause you thinks your better. maybe next time just try not to come across as such a penis thats all  |
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03-30-05, 06:23 PM
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#7
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IP: 2350 EE7A
Nice peice, i really liked it. You should peep my sig.
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