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04-17-05, 11:14 PM | #1 | |||||||
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Everlasting Love
IP: 8E70 C31B
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:Chorus: refresh my memory of the taste of your kiss.... you kissed me sexily and said "almost like this..." our love is everlasting in a bond which lasts forever... this gunna be my last kiss, last kiss from you ever... :Verse 1: i cant remember the last time i tasted your lips... we was finally making out under a lunar eclispe... wished upon a shootin start that u would come back... i didnt mean what i said, i can always switchback... our bond is forever and i want to share it always... milkshakes and movies on weekends and thursday... our love was once lost and i cant think of it disapearing... i cant find what was once true love in a wide open clearing... our sparks are igniting and we are seperating farther away... maybe we could get together.. someday that is faraway... :Chorus: refresh my memory of the taste of your kiss.... you kissed me sexily and said "almost like this..." our love is everlasting in a bond which lasts forever... this gunna be my last kiss, last kiss from you ever... :Verse 2: nights are getting longer and my hear is in dispair... i called you 3 times and u left saying u didnt care... i ordered roses and chocolates and warm bears... im chasing for you while your ordering your airfares... i cant be without you, a hole is getting bigger in my heart... the hole is darkning without you there, my sweetheart... my eyes tear as i see you board away into my "death" im choking with tears, you couldnt even hear my breaths... u fade away out of my site as my eyes tear in misery... i saw you for the last time.. and 3 words.. My Everlasting Love... :Chorus: refresh my memory of the taste of your kiss.... you kissed me sexily and said "almost like this..." our love is everlasting in a bond which lasts forever... this gunna be my last kiss, last kiss from you ever... wrote it a while ago, feedback now.
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Thorn. .L.yrikal .S.aigonz Everlasting Love Sunlight Fades Total Posts: 1,892 (795.62 posts per day) Quite active, aren't I? Don't get pricked.
Last edited by Thorn : 04-18-05 at 05:02 PM. |
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04-17-05, 11:58 PM | #2 | |||
Skadoosh!
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IP: 9458 811B
yo this some nice shit famz.............
stayed on ya topic....i was feelin it...........gud structure and gud flow............... ya structure cud use slight work..........and ya vocabs was aight but try not to be too basic all the time..............overall 7/10 drop sum feed on my latest open mic yo............."Rippin Them Open Mic IP's" .................................................. ......................^^ORIGINAL SHIT^^ |
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04-18-05, 01:42 AM | #3 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 342A DA98
Yo, this shit was dope. I can relate to this alot! I loved the chorus alot.. It takes me back..
You did well stayin on topic and you flowed well! Keep this up iight and thankx for the feedback! Sweft
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04-18-05, 11:03 AM | #4 | |||||||
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IP: 8E70 C31B
Thanks for feedback Sweft and Solo, aprectiate it. Uppin' for more feedback people.
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Thorn. .L.yrikal .S.aigonz Everlasting Love Sunlight Fades Total Posts: 1,892 (795.62 posts per day) Quite active, aren't I? Don't get pricked.
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04-18-05, 11:31 AM | #5 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
well since you've been an asshole all morning i wont leave adequate feed ....cheerio
word, i guess i'll leave some feed now....meh, nothing special, i liked the chorus the best....imagery was decent, coulda been better, had nice emotion though....i think your wordplay could be a little better though, but like you said, this is an old piece, seems like it happened to you, so its pretty dope....keep up yo
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE Last edited by Kesse : 04-18-05 at 01:29 PM. |
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04-18-05, 09:23 PM | #6 | |||||||
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IP: 8E70 C31B
Thanks Kesse for the "adequate" feedback
Bumpin this work.
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Thorn. .L.yrikal .S.aigonz Everlasting Love Sunlight Fades Total Posts: 1,892 (795.62 posts per day) Quite active, aren't I? Don't get pricked.
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