Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
06-21-05, 03:55 AM | #1 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
...addictive world...
IP: 9212 9848
yo, this is my first open mic.. lemme know what yall think
people need to wake up and realize the situation theyre placed in but it takes them too long to face it, and addictions overtake them why is it hard to see that obviously the lottery is smarter than we theres kids starvin at 3, play the lottery, how hard could it be we put the fate of our life in the numbers but isnt it sumthin when the numbers overcome us we go through our lives and as we feed into addiction we're still findin it hard to be feedin our children as a matter of fact this shit isnt even our fault the government kicks us down and loves to see when we fall they imprison us and make money off us while we're up in the penn but then they're there to pick us up, and help us again government assistance, people consider great for the nation but they dont realize that the nation is only tryin to rape them cuz the money they feed into social assistance is only given back to them, through hopeless addiction high taxes on cigarettes, theyre addictive and steep pricing wont stop it tell the truth, all you capatilist bastards care about is a profit its like a revolving door, the system spins us in circles but then the door stops suddenly, and the results are so hurtful theres some shit i did feedback on: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2229171 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2229174
__________________
|
|||||
06-21-05, 02:01 PM | #2 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
IP: 89CF 84F8
anyone?.........
__________________
|
|||||
06-21-05, 02:09 PM | #3 | |||||||
New to RV
|
IP: 2D4B F56C
it has some real issues in it...you spat good knowledge to some degree
Some lines were debateable, overall it's an aight drop, i felt you anger! and thats about it, flow a bit monotone, try using some mutlis, deUce (return the favour on my: Hip Hop College open mic)
__________________
|
|||||||
06-21-05, 02:10 PM | #4 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
IP: 89CF 84F8
thanx for the feed man.. and i just left feed on that
__________________
|
|||||
06-21-05, 02:13 PM | #5 | |||||||
New to RV
|
IP: 2D4B F56C
yeah i realize...propz
__________________
|
|||||||
06-21-05, 02:20 PM | #6 | ||||
vanquising Mc's Daily
|
IP: 8191 8B5F
Word, Nice Piece it was a good read, it flowed nice, could be a little more complicated but nice piece for your first.. Keep Dropping..
__________________
fuck you [ |
||||
06-21-05, 02:22 PM | #7 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
IP: 89CF 84F8
thnks for the feed man.. uppin
__________________
|
|||||
06-21-05, 02:39 PM | #8 | |||||||
Tha 1st member of S.W.A
|
IP: B525 44D9
werd my spicca, sum nice multies n shit, u alredy know werd
__________________
R.I.P. EAZY-E MoBB Squad
REST IN PEACE MY MUTHAPHUKKIN SPICCA OMB!!!
|
|||||||
06-21-05, 03:14 PM | #9 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
IP: DFA2 2E73
werd..uppin............
__________________
|
|||||
06-23-05, 12:08 AM | #10 | |||||
Praise The King, Peasants
|
IP: 4613 B91F
uppin once again..
__________________
|
|||||
06-23-05, 04:22 AM | #11 | ||||
New to RV
|
IP: 074B 22E7
flow was good, the thoughts were original and easy to connect to, it was enjoyable to read, and multis are straight. Try to up the complexity of the wordplay and metas, vocab was decent. Other than that, try to avoid using the samee word so closely together (i.e. "why is it hard to see that obviously the lottery is smarter than we
theres kids starvin at 3, play the lottery, how hard could it be") and try rephrasing some of your thoughts like "but they dont realize that the nation is only tryin to rape them" i understand that your getting at they are forcing us to give up our money, but a better phrase can be used than rape. It's played a lot, too. Overall, I thought you did a good job. I would rate it a 6/10. Please return the favor, i have the ones in my sig and a new one titled "untitled (soon to be audio)" thank you and i hope i was helpful.
__________________
Repping The Establishment Rhymes Story of a Statistic My Dream audio soundclick Art Surreal Bird Sketch |
||||
06-23-05, 05:13 AM | #12 | |||||
Banned: Biting
|
IP: D1AF 8CAC
PRetty Nice Drop Cuzzo.....The Multies Were Decent.......Wordplay could have been better....but the vocab was str8 no doubt bout that but that is anutha level 2 improve in also....just some thoughts....pretty tite......7.1/10
|
|||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|