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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-16-05, 08:06 AM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
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Rainy Days
IP: E3EC B040
Rainy Days
Alarm clock repeats its sound while I stay wrapped in silk sheets When suddenly my heart starts to skip beats as I view the streets Sapphire eyes perceive a satiric sky questioning the reasons why Clustering clouds continue to close in when it's the seventh of July Harsh, brutal weather cutting deep in my core as I close the door Are we in a nuclear war or is there simply no summer anymore? Cruel cold sending shivers down my spine as little children whine Apparently the Divine chose to redefine our earth and turn it malign Due to a dim disgrace I fail my attempt to fasten my peculiar pace A crazed craving for soft embrace, leaving behind a crimson trace Pretending not to hear the whimpering whispers of a whirling wind As it utters weak cries:"You have sinned, no more time to rescind" ‘Till suddenly the sky above turns pitch-black as a raven’s feathers Casting chaos, people flock together in midst of sinister weathers Rain streaming down on the grimy, filthy ground…no light around “Who sinned shall be drowned!!!”, seeking calm in lost and found A raw rupture rapidly appears, confirming infinite ferocious fears After 7 years, she returns to my hurt world, shedding final tears It’s karma: my selfish action now transforms into world’s danger She seems like a stranger but the past...no way to change her As I vision her devilish smile, I realize this here is a delayed trial Why lock yourself in denial: doesn’t she deserve to be hostile? Still reminisce of that rusty old knife I used to end her new life Was it jealousy? Insecurity? Never a mother, always pretty wife Couldn’t I easily foresee this fatal fate? But it’s too late to debate All we have left to do is wait till she crushes us, releasing a hate View at my unborn child’s rageful eyes, caught up in dire straits As I drop to my knees she continues to cry from heaven’s gates …One of those rainy days… Left feedback to: Misunderstood by The Messenger Minds of Darkness by Mad Knight
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... Last edited by Drama Queen : 08-16-05 at 09:02 AM. |
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08-16-05, 08:46 AM
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#2
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Middle Weight
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IP: 8A05 210E
diz was a nice piece here ma i like ur concept, vocab was on point, structure was up 2 par, & basically in diz 1 here i felt were u r coming from & had plenty of dayz were i felt tha same way creativity, & originality is wut i like bout ur pieces d.q but overall diz is good work keep writing 9.5/10
__________________
 Choose words carefully when you address me
You ain't gotta like me, but you're gonna respect me (Or else) or else you get wet like a jigsknee Take ten of these and live, that'll impress me |
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08-16-05, 09:32 AM
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#3
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Middle Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
dang girl you got a touch of Edgar allen Poe on this one for real digging this whole thing right here
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08-17-05, 03:58 AM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 4557 2EBB
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-17-05, 04:04 AM
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#6
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Above Originality
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IP: D40E 67D5
ayo girl its dope WERD yo its str8 ill........................nice oiece and emotion girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!hope you holla at my OM's called one love and are ya feelin me?! peace
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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08-17-05, 10:30 AM
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#7
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 4557 2EBB
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-17-05, 01:55 PM
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#8
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
Fuck me hun a nicceeeeee dope......structure was good and concept was very nice....vocab was ok!!!!!
8/10 Can u check out my new OM, The Ones You LOve The Most Die First and rtf  |
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08-17-05, 02:01 PM
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#9
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 2027 DE23
damn....shit was dope....imagery was good...vocab was good...flow was on point...all in all this was a good piece...9.5/10....good job.....RTF in sig......
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08-18-05, 12:36 PM
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#10
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
Thanks for the feed, I returned the honest favors...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-18-05, 12:38 PM
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#11
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Nt Your Average
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IP: 7893 28B1
Dopeness In Every Sylable!!!!!!!!!!!!nice Imagery Nice Emotion Good Vocab Man Good Evrything Good Work Keep Up 8.5/10
__________________
OYD MAFIA
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08-18-05, 01:08 PM
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#12
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...Closer Look...
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IP: 8163 B114
thy've said it all...this piece was tight DQ..be it the vocab,structure,flow,concept..all was dope...nice.keep it up...
return honest feedbak to mine(sig)
__________________
Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning S.K.M Quote:
Quote:
Now That's Wassup! |
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08-18-05, 01:48 PM
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#13
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
^Feedback returned...
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-19-05, 01:55 AM
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#14
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 674A 08CB
__________________
Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-19-05, 04:39 PM
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#15
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Black Poet
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IP: 6008 2A1B
DQ still dropin heat, the thing I like about your writing is that u can use
loads of different styles and its still dope... Everything was on point, vocab, flow, emotions everything was dope... I was feeling this, stay up ma and keep writing, they are starting a topical torny on RF if you interested it needs some real talent.. 1- |
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