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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-04-05, 11:42 AM
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#1
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Skadoosh!
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Mystic Chaos vs. Critic
IP: 9DB1 64D6
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em...
Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Falling From Grace * If you think that one of the pieces in this battle should go into the Pieces of Inspiration thread then please state which piece in your vote. *
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 Last edited by King Solo : 09-04-05 at 01:08 PM. |
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09-04-05, 12:18 PM
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#2
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
checkity check.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-05-05, 03:27 AM
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#3
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Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Check check,.....
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09-08-05, 03:04 PM
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#4
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
asking for extension......lots of school work
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-08-05, 03:18 PM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 306D 1746
Quote:
Extension granted till Saturday
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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09-08-05, 04:31 PM
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#6
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
thanks a bunch, will help a lot
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-09-05, 08:25 AM
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#7
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Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Falling From Grace Visions a blur, pulps dilated, room I’m in is spinning Finally begin to focus, remembering my life’s sinking Remember the past, weight resting on my shoulders Growing up at home we was treated like toy soldiers Discipline was paramount, father only wanted the best Anything below wasn’t good enough my life was a test Was running before I was walking, was pushed to soon Dad wanted me to live his dreams so now I’m consumed Overwhelmed by the pressure fatigue starts to creep in I started to fake injuries, now all my actions are in sin The lies I conjured up are starting to take its toil on me I’ve started forgetting where they begin or what i'm to be I ended up talking to a few people about my dilemma Steroids was handed over, my head started to tremor Dad soon found out, he kicked me out now life’s bleak I have fallen from grace & now dad and I never speak |
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09-09-05, 05:45 PM
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#8
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 0825 899A
any way for the my extension to get on monday, becuz of awake on saturday...and funeral on sunday....my cuzin has passed.....if not....idunno wat ima do
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-09-05, 05:46 PM
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#9
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 0825 899A
nvm, ill keysomething up real quick
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-09-05, 07:07 PM
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#10
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 0825 899A
Yo things in my life right now.....man they aint goin to good.....but im happy be here today to share this story wit you
Opener Going from being gratified to being glad to have survived
Why didnt i die, im a survivor im destined to be alive Responsible for his demise my emotions are deprived I shall continue long but my cuzin was shortlived The Story
Coming to realization we are past the speed limit and beyond
Cops speeding up sirens wailing then it suddenly on me it dawned He is running from the police hes commiting a serious crime In the passenger seat by his side ready or not im forced to ride The Drama With no direction to proceed to our journey seems to be finished
Suddenly all aspirations are forgotten my future seems to be diminished Swerving and sliding the road is wet, no chance of using the brakes No sense of control rolling into a ditch with our lives at stake The Result Chase coming to a conclusion the 5-0 ready to take stand
Whiping blood off my head, i see blood dripping from my cuzins hand Cops say no pulse hes a gonner for sure, as i sigh in devistation Putting cuffs around my wrists showing no remorse no hesitation The Ending Life was at the top notch living a true mans dream
My cuzin like my brother dying cuz his record wasnt clean Thinking alone in my cell about the long cop chase Living on top slowly watching as i fell from grace .......RIP tony bjork and ill see you soon shawn bjork serving 3 years *this was told from shawns point of view*
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-11-05, 08:35 AM
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#11
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 10BC 0CC1
Critic: solid piece but it lacked depth in the last part, I would've loved to see that last part be longer and give the reader more details in fact. The story itself was interesting but the ending didn't provide me with the necessary details actually. The vocab was rather basic, flow was good though. Emotion was strongest aspect, clearly stating how the relationship and situation developed, the cause and such, only the ending was bit rushed I think. It was no real imagery piece but you had some okay pictures in there.
Mystic Chaos: nice piece even though the division into different parts annoyed me at first because every part was only 4 lines or so, I didn't think that was necessary but anyway. The story itself kept the reader focused because you added the right amount of suspense to it yet made sure the emotion and depth of the drop didn't suffer because of it. The vocabulary was rather basic too but it expresses a sort of helplessness, that's at least how I feel. Flow was good, emotion was pure and imagery was definitely there. Vote: Mystic Chaos for a more touching piece in fact
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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09-11-05, 12:09 PM
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#12
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Light Weight
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IP: E23E CE7A
Good pieces from the both of you, both had good approaches to the topic, imagery was on point, but felt that the vocab couldve been a little better. Critic, I feel that the ending of your peces couldve been worked on more,but the piece overall had good emotion and decent vocab. Althrough, im feeling Mystic Chaos verse more, had a nice, deep storyline, and had nice emotion. even though the vocab was a little basic, I felt that it sorta helped on the imagery.
V/Mystic Chaos
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09-11-05, 07:13 PM
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#13
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 0825 899A
uppin for the win........................
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-12-05, 12:38 AM
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#14
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Skadoosh!
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IP: 9DB1 64D6
Mystic Chaos Wins 2-0.
This Battle Is Now Closed.
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