Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
09-08-05, 07:46 PM | #1 | |||
Just searching.
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Awakening Creatures
IP: 0825 899A
AWAKENING CREATURES THE door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places desolate; the shadows are tesselate, engraving messages depicting pegasus. Lives immaculate, permit the remains of time through one abacus... Energy would omit the matters that plead in means of the advocate. NOT having it, the clocks tick to an approaching limit to which I burst, I'm a maverick, I stick to my own plans and quench the things I thirst. From the day's first, I stick to a linen chrysallis I'm easily encased in, to pass the speeding seconds as me and time are historically racing. The hall I'm facing is a labryinth of secrets leading into many rooms, Secluded in gloom, I ponder why I must awaken on this day so soon. The sun raised to engulf the moon in a light that burns my lazy eyes, and I actually seemed like a well-dressed person in this crazy disguise. And maybe girls and guys, you'll one day face this very same problem, to balance coffee in one hand, tie in the other, with skin like a goblin's. I'm meager, with misplaced shoes, and other tell-tale tired features. I'd bag groceries with my eyes, on another day of an awakening creature. |
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09-08-05, 07:50 PM | #2 | |||||
...
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IP: A1D8 879C
I don't understand this shit at all... And I hate when people use all kinds of crazy vocab...
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09-08-05, 08:06 PM | #3 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
Only the beginning is hard to understand, foo! It's basically talking about him waking up, I'm trying to make it 'vague' in the beginning.
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09-08-05, 08:23 PM | #4 | ||||
her one-man army
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IP: EE58 AEAE
wakin up and going to work............ very descriptive, and actually original. never saw the topic before, even though it seems to be something everyone does.......... nice structure and flow..... couldn't really find anything u needed improvement on with this piece...... ohhh, and i like Fluffy.......
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09-08-05, 08:25 PM | #5 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
I'll rewrite it so it doesn't rhyme and makes sense(kinda).
THE door closes so slowly, viewing behind it all the places bad; the shadows are everywhere, scratch messages showing bright. Lives pure, allow time to be measued of whats left by a mathematical device... Energy would take out the matters that beg in means of the person who begs his case. Word. |
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09-08-05, 11:53 PM | #6 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Drop 2 links or this will be closed
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The Competition
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09-09-05, 04:17 PM | #7 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
Drop Yo Fucking Momma, Bitch. Fuck U And Your Limits.
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09-10-05, 11:40 AM | #8 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
I like puppy...
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09-10-05, 11:44 AM | #9 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 28AD 5545
This piece was hard to understand in the beginning, but ur imagery and emotion was tight...ur vocab was outstanding...couldnt ask for better lol....umm ur structure was pin point caught a good flow....only thing really to complain about was the understanding part overall 8.5/10...keep it up keep droppin 1
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-10-05, 11:57 AM | #10 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
The beginning is supposed to make it seem like it's something like zombies or evil or something...supposed to make it seem...ya know, darky.
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09-10-05, 02:19 PM | #11 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
Time to eat pie...
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09-10-05, 03:49 PM | #12 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 0825 899A
chew some bubblegum.
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09-10-05, 05:21 PM | #13 | ||||
B.I.G.
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IP: 7D8B DD8E
Nice topic.. very creative
Sum very nice vocab.... overal 10/10 keep up
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Bizzacckkk |
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09-10-05, 06:01 PM | #14 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 3240 794D
Dat's damn racist.
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09-10-05, 07:02 PM | #15 | |||
Just searching.
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IP: 28AD 5545
But I love you anyway.
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