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Old 10-18-05, 10:05 PM   #1
Achilles
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Text Record: 2-1
-Buried Touch-

IP: 3C00 FBBA



Men Cant Live Dead, Sworn Alive By Maggots, Its All In Ya Head
No Grieving Instead, Everybody Jus Dies, Let Da Burials Begin...

face ya fears why run, shots blast at your brain and leave ya senses numb
happy alive go have fun, but u 'donated prostitution' so He's takin ur lungs
watch a body shrivel like crumbs, as it "fades away"....like jordan and pun
lives weighin a ton, but when that time comes, we 'light'headed and dumb
shake it off mariah u young, dont mean u wont see God sooner than some
dont gotta be lead or 2 from a gun, life itself could "neck" us til we "hung"!
upside down in our graves sufferin none, with no feelin, no meanin in cry
no tears in each eye, no family weepin screamin "he's dead" by your side
but even while dead....as we lie, in darkness covered by comfort inside....
we cant deny, that bein buried 'fake' will 'touch' us more than living a lie!!

Men Cant Live Dead, Sworn Alive By Maggots, Its All In Ya Head
No Grieving Instead, Everybody Jus Dies, Let Da Burials Begin...

question yourself about pride, everyone has it whether they rich or broke
'hand me memories' jus 'forget da stroke', we make it seem like lifes a joke
but as soon as someone dies we quote, words in which dey said or wrote
or words they often spoke, tryna 'enlighten' da much less "educated" folk
walk around impressin yaself only, get abandoned by makin yaself lonely
and even though u lonely, u wont surpass tha truth...if you being phoney
then niggas try to become real, expressin themselves thru lines they feel
gave their life a will, in it for money, & God avenges every crumb u steal!
next time ya homies deceased and u sittin at home sad, and crying still...
imagine yourself in his tomb...'buried frozen'...lyin shut, embracin da chill

Men Cant Live Dead, Sworn Alive By Maggots, Its All In Ya Head
No Grieving Instead, Everybody Jus Dies, Let Da Burials Begin...

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2495052
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=211985
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Old 10-19-05, 08:03 PM   #2
Achilles
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IP: 987A 31E7

well damn, i must reaaaaaaally suck or yall jus not interested?
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Old 10-20-05, 12:45 AM   #3
Illist
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You don't suck..

but, I didn't like the stretched lines, you had some nice plays in this. some similes stood out. I wasn't really feeling your 2nd verse tho, thought the first one was much better.

Just keep writing, and work on ya bar length.. stay up homie

RTF if you wanna keep getting feed/votes from me- http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=211864
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Old 10-20-05, 09:12 AM   #4
XM
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its decent........like Illist said stretched in places but still was a decent piece

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Old 10-20-05, 11:55 AM   #5
Achilles
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chea i got both a yall when i get home, still uppin tho
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