THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,
someone to love.

After having met you .

I've changed my mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

- - - - - - - - - -! - - - - - - - ! - - - -

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it'! s time you kept your promise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So your daughter's a ho oker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------


This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is
reported to have been listed in The Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity
unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks
in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and
fishing
trips,cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners
will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when
you get
home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404)
875-6420
and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta
Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever. (Men are
so
easy).

roflmfaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo @ the singles ad

lmao
"
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) "

__________________

Daubs MySpace

So your daughter's a ho oker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

LOL ^^^^

__________________

..I Smoke..A Large Portion Of Cheeba...My Gun Games Sick...Like A Cough And A...Fever

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

^lmao @ that

__________________

These Are My Favorites..........

cats are really sleeping on this one

Im feelin these Hot...funny shit.

Just like your avy.

thanks , this is my fav, but the blonde male joke seems to be everyones thing........
i wouldnt post it if it wasnt funny to me

LOL...hallmark has all types of cards..

ROFL

__________________

check this one...........................

lmaooooooo at the singles ad