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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-06-05, 02:45 AM
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#1
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Skadoosh!
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Suicidal Escape
IP: 9DB1 64D6
Word. My first poetry piece....EVER. So if you hate it, please say so, lol. I don't care if it's not super dope because it is my first try at poetry. Suicidal Escape {a.k.a. "Heavenly Suicide"} Motionless, a fallen statue of morose thoughts A resting soul of despair, journeys to a corpse Painful memories, visions of attacking hatred Desperate attempts at acceptance slowly waning Pushed into solitude, the mind embraces loneliness Forever to dwell in its chamber of isolation Eyes reflecting, faint glimmers of light moments Open mouthed, low breathing sounds through silence A picture of no emotion, the face stares at blank walls Deafening sounds of approaching doom, They echo within ears, listening to water falls. The embodiment of death, its cold touch flows, Caressing the chosen body, a vessel so froze Unlocked, from metallic captivity the blanket grows It sweeps along flesh, rising to penetrate open holes Flooding the tunnels of life, it cascades down an open throat The dying statue falls back, the wet touch enters the nose Eyes close, a veil of black cast by weakened covers Water overflows, the body submerges beneath layers Through black curtains, the eyes capture a glow Within its watered coffin, the body glides towards light Death’s cold touch is gone, the body welcomes warmth Engulfed by light, the minds pain is no more. LINKS Drunk Driving by VALOR More by DRAMA QUEEN
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11-08-05, 03:16 PM
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#2
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 8441 45DC
Excellent...
It still had that topical vibe to it at times though but that doesn't really bother at all. You used nice images, good metaphorical wordings, good amount of emotion and imagery in my opinion. I read it twice to grasp what exactly you meant by choosing this or that word you know. Vocabulary was right on point, had good balance between basic and complex. Keep it up
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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11-11-05, 03:26 AM
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#3
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Skadoosh!
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IP: 9DB1 64D6
Thanks..
..yeah, I thought it had that topical vibe in places, but its my first piece so I can only move forward. 
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12-01-05, 10:41 PM
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#4
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New to RV
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IP: 9523 808A
nicce job.... alot of ppl canrelate ... good job...............GK
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12-01-05, 10:42 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 9523 808A
thats amazin for your first piece................ keep it up ok?
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12-07-05, 02:09 PM
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#6
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Middle Weight
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IP: 11AF 50EC
WOW!!!!!!! good piece fo sho......excellent imagery, good vocab n im luvin da emotion.....damn keep up da good work...1
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