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Old 11-12-05, 05:28 PM   #1
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
Invisible Children

IP: 7D92 C12B

Invisible Child

Born & raised in a neighborhood of slums & poverty...
I obviously, grew toward the roots of drugs & robbery.
No love, no harmony. My whole world was at this awkward rhythm.
Kids learned life was uncontrollable & I was gullible with em.
My brother was hard, he protected me when we slept under the stars.
With cement as a mattress, Id wake up covered in scars.
In winter wed slumber in cars, one as the others pillow.
I remember we used to write poetry on the foggy windows.
On weekdays I hustled the block, both hands on my grind.
I promised myself Id make a fortune, even one gram at'a time.
Im proud of whats succeeded. My pride, I cuddle.
Marijuana doubles my happiness & divides my struggle.
During my quietest nights, I started to question the purpose of life.
The streets were cold & books only gave me worthless advice.
My citizen’s rights, must have got stuck in the birth canal.
& It hurts some how, knowing if my folks was rich Id be perfect now.
I was thinking bigger now, there must be millions like me.
Years back Bush promised to help, but thats still not likely.
I grew older & wiser. Even passed the GED.
Got a job & apartment & bought my first color TV.
Yet still in this phase, found its hard to pay bills underage.
I was the typical full time student, living off of minimum wage.
But its not a secret, working at McDonald’s didn’t cop the bucks.
While we hosted the monopoly game, I stole stickers off the cups.
Someone told my boss what’s up, I was lucky he didn’t press charges.
Slept on an empty stomach, but at least there was less garbage.
I was only weeks away from becoming a legal adult.
Held a gun to her head, & said I was there to steal the vault.
Now in prison for a while, thinking life is just a criminal’s mile.
Wondering if Id end up this way, if I wasn’t born an invisible child.



* Lookin for A Collab, PM me.
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Old 11-12-05, 05:35 PM   #2
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
IP: 7D92 C12B

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Old 11-16-05, 11:51 AM   #3
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
IP: CED5 5EB6

uppin, for any feedback...errm up.
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Old 11-16-05, 03:56 PM   #4
Call_it_Murder01
New to RV
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Oct 2005
From: Canada
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-2
IP: B15A D835



Wass gwon fam?...This piece right here, well for being new to this site this is probably the hottest drop Ive seen so far..


Born & raised in a neighborhood of slums & poverty...
I obviously, grew toward the roots of drugs & robbery.
^^^^^Nice opener to start it off, some grimey New York type lifestyle right here

No love, no harmony. My whole world was at this awkward rhythm.
Kids learned life was uncontrollable & I was gullible with em.
My brother was hard, he protected me when we slept under the stars.
With cement as a mattress, Id wake up covered in scars.
^^^^nice wording with the awkward rhythm line. Cpvered in scars line was nice

In winter wed slumber in cars, one as the others pillow.
I remember we used to write poetry on the foggy windows.
On weekdays I hustled the block, both hands on my grind.
I promised myself Id make a fortune, even one gram at'a time.
Im proud of whats succeeded. My pride, I cuddle.
Marijuana doubles my happiness & divides my struggle.
^^^^^^Write poetry in windows line, thats fuckin dope and real talk right there. one gram at a time line was real.. divides my struggle line was dope

During my quietest nights, I started to question the purpose of life.
The streets were cold & books only gave me worthless advice.
My citizen’s rights, must have got stuck in the birth canal.
& It hurts some how, knowing if my folks was rich Id be perfect now.
^^^^nice wording with the books line.. birth canal and perfect now didnt really rhyme except if u pronounced it right but it was good though..

I was thinking bigger now, there must be millions like me.
Years back Bush promised to help, but thats still not likely.
I grew older & wiser. Even passed the GED.
Got a job & apartment & bought my first color TV.
^^^^^True twoards the bush line..nice on the come up line about the appartment and tv shit..

Yet still in this phase, found its hard to pay bills underage.
I was the typical full time student, living off of minimum wage.
But its not a secret, working at McDonald’s didn’t cop the bucks.
While we hosted the monopoly game, I stole stickers off the cups.
^^^^^Real talk about the minimum wage thing. Lol at the stickers off the cup line

Someone told my boss what’s up, I was lucky he didn’t press charges.
Slept on an empty stomach, but at least there was less garbage.
I was only weeks away from becoming a legal adult.
Held a gun to her head, & said I was there to steal the vault.
^^^^Less garbage line was nice..
adult and vault didnt rhyme unless its pronounced right

Now in prison for a while, thinking life is just a criminal’s mile.
Wondering if Id end up this way, if I wasn’t born an invisible child.
^^^^^Nice finisher duke...

weakness- The words were a little two small, kinda had to read over some lines to make sure i read suttin right but thats the only problem..Basically u need to up on size of fonts and das it. Other then that, this piece was hot famz keep doin u

HoLLa
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Old 11-16-05, 04:29 PM   #5
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
IP: CED5 5EB6

I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for the word. Stay up.
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Old 11-21-05, 07:45 PM   #6
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
IP: E8B2 0FD5

uppin for more feedback...up.
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Old 11-21-05, 10:08 PM   #7
Crazy Hades
Just searching.
 
Posts: 6,015
Joined: Nov 2004
Status: Offline
IP: DB41 DC69

Good...and shit. I'll leave better feed later, pretty good.q
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Old 11-26-05, 01:06 PM   #8
Po It.
Fuck White Folks
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Nov 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 5-0
IP: CED5 5EB6

uppin....lookin for more feedback. uh huh.
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