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Old 11-27-05, 05:42 PM   #1
Tech (banned)
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If Tonight's The Night

IP: 5218 F156

If tonight’s the night, I roll in the casket
Party for to my life, don’t morn and look past it
I was rollin dumb and not givin’ a fuck
Was thrown out the cradle and into the mud


Let the petals thrown by pharaohs be settled on my grave
Rebels be named, settlers that helped render this game
Because I’ll reach Lucifer, crucified and through the eyes
Of those who died cruel and derived of values and pride
Statues of guys that severed this man like a reverend that stands
Rigged and strict, got me fitted to spit…a heaven in land
Cause I’ll place my name on the stone, slave to the throne
Bathed in a foam that’s got me twitching, an ache to the bones
I can notice the road is focused on my potential
No credentials, but a man to stand who holds life’s essentials
Cause if the end is near, don’t the fear to drop a tear
But rejoice in the voice that held up for all those years

If tonight’s the night, I roll in the casket
Party for to my life, don’t morn and look past it
I was rollin dumb and not givin’ a fuck
Was thrown out the cradle and into the mud

I’m placed in a nice suit, surrounded by a group…of people
I must walk through the valley of death, but shall fear no evil
Since a sequel is out the question so I’m wreckin this session
I rest to infest in the ears of the kids who take in this message
And the vessel I wrestle to be in is seeing another direction
A human being who wishin not to fall in the devils intentions
Settle this tension for blood spills once I fill my grave
It’s like I’m hangin as a picture for evil to penetrate my frame
Hence, it gains no fame, for the decomposed role models
Who choke hollows, so tomorrow lies for another to go follow

If tonight’s the night, I roll in the casket
Party for to my life, don’t morn and look past it
I was rollin dumb and not givin’ a fuck
Was thrown out the cradle and into the mud


i'll drop my links next
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Old 11-27-05, 07:37 PM   #2
¤ÐÅž¤
leave you rest'n pz's
 
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your first couple bars flowed very well....i was feelin them
more then the rest, decent concept, the hook was pretty good
vocab was decent, the ache to the bones line fell off on flow
but other then that it was`well worded...
improve on: connectin with the reader, maybe try to use more metas
even wordplay is good in open mics imo..
overall this was a good piece..

7/10
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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
.
fake fucks..move on...!
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Old 11-27-05, 10:17 PM   #3
Tech (banned)
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thanks for the feedback bro........
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Old 12-05-05, 10:18 AM   #4
Tech (banned)
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Text Record: 3-5
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uppin this thread
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Old 12-07-05, 03:29 PM   #5
Tech (banned)
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uppin this thread
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Old 12-07-05, 04:03 PM   #6
Dizzee Rascal
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Ok better than i expected, flowed nicely to point of no return imo

I can notice the road is focused on my potential
No credentials, but a man to stand who holds life’s essentials

that was cool

It’s like I’m hangin as a picture for evil to penetrate my frame

Nice

It was worded nicely too could of been worded nicer but still
Content wise was cool need some more meta's in there though
This is the sort of piece u need lines to really make the reader think


But yeah interesting read
respect


http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2566854

Return the feed please
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Old 12-07-05, 06:53 PM   #8
Madik
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Nice Drop.......
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[CENTER]~WAR leaves RAW consequences~


Open Mics
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Old 12-07-05, 07:14 PM   #9
Tech (banned)
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From: Long Beach
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Text Record: 3-5
IP: 7812 DAB6

Try to give me some good criticism....other than that then don't give me advice [goes to madik]
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