|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-30-05, 08:27 PM
|
#1
|
|||
|
Poet's Daughter.
|
The Fire Within.
IP: A28F 84CF
With only a thrust, you slowly enter.
You’re not the only one, many trail behind you. You all march forward in a speeding Paste going deep into the cave. Your Stomach catches butterflies "something Is coming" you say to yourself. The cave Shake, along with it a red huge blog coming Toward you. You panic, you tremble and Move out the way creeping like a mole Rat into a hole. Crying-your scared, "please Don’t hurt me", but is that really going to Ease the pain when you watched the others Die turning to black colors by the grasp Of the redblog? Your lonely now "is anyone There?" you cry out but no one hears you. Too scared to leave, scared that you might Turn into a black color like the others, with That in mind he sleeps, sleeps tightly while Your fate is out there lurking. . . . 9 ribbons finally destroyed, time to open The present. The brain is in tears the Way it sweats commence from your open Pores. Thunder of screams and hard blowing Wind coming from your mouth, It's Time to Open the gate . . . You awoken by the shake of the cave in Fear now "what's happening?" The oracle You have hidden in is gone. Force out of That shell and into the open space going Downward back where you have entered From. You hear that. The screams of the Others? It's getting louder and coming loser It is the redblog speeding coming towards you! You scream "ahhhhhhhh! . . . The gate has closed, from the deep within the Fire has popped out an angel through the ashes Now let me say the first part is a journey of a sperm. Get it now?
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal:  ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
|||
|
|
|
12-01-05, 12:50 AM
|
#2
|
|||||||
|
You Love My Style.
|
IP: 3902 77B8
This was missing transitions to make the flow smoother but the rest was fluent.....imagery was nice emotions i was feeling it but it was on and off...kinda vibe.....story telling was wonderfull...i enjoy reading your stuff u and Invasion have indepht writing ...
__________________
Quote:
Authentik Intelligence O. Y. D.  |
|||||||
|
|
|
12-01-05, 10:29 PM
|
#3
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: 9523 808A
good ... cinda sounds like a story book more then a poem but good any ways ........................................ GK
|
||||
|
|
|
12-03-05, 12:44 PM
|
#4
|
|||
|
Poet's Daughter.
|
IP: 2ACC EE25
Cool................
__________________
mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
|||
|
|
|
|
12-03-05, 03:25 PM
|
#5
|
||||
|
pain is weakness leaving the body
|
IP: 4FD6 E3FB
hmmmm....... that was very original, i like the creativity...... good use of metaphors, but maybe a little too good..... w/out the explanation, i would've been lost...... nice piece, i enjoyed it a lot........ -Tweety's #1 fan
__________________
 "I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
||||
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
