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12-31-05, 12:54 AM | #1 | |||||||
New to RV
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Shades of Grey
IP: 8BC7 013B
how do we live with all of the anger in the world today inocent people, in graves they lay so here i sit and pray for the light of a brand new day what can i say about this shade of grey no light shines through the cracks of a mind distilled i say has god lost his way, has his powerful word gone astray or has the world become frayed slipping away without delay every single law goes un-obeyd as i watch the replay of my lifes last day as the man on the end of that rope sways the song of the singing blue jay echoes away the sorrow my life portrays seeing the decay of our land like a rotten apple upon my lunchtray my eyes betray my mind and my contiance begins to weigh take the survey of the mayham and the everlasting disaray change your ways and repent as u look toward the skys and the suns rays for we are all molded of the same clay but alas the day is far away still we disobey and we are doomed to a life time in this shade of grey |
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12-31-05, 09:53 AM | #2 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 8BC7 013B
uppin..............
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12-31-05, 10:01 AM | #3 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 8BC7 013B
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12-31-05, 04:40 PM | #4 | |||
1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
Welcome to Rv man. First off, I'd have to say this is more of an OM/Topical verse rather than a poem. I mean, you've got all kinds of internal rhyming and basic last syllable end rhyms... Just everything made this feel more like an OM. The content neverthe less was pretty nice. The concept itself is alittle played though... The whole 'Judging Eyes, Verbal Assault Upon The World', it's just been done oooooover and ooooooover and oooooover again. You really didn't do anything to out there or orignal either that could really define this as being YOURS. Overall, the content was ok but this piece really didn't stand out at all to me, it was just... There. And I really think this is more of an OM then anything else. Stay up and keep writing man.
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