Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-20-06, 06:35 PM | #1 | |||||||
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paranoia strikes me
IP: 85BE FE9C
on december 18 2006 walking to a store wit a bag of chips
paranoid from the glock on my hip tried to keep calm and regriped noone would know that im packing this shit graped a soda took a sip made a quick tip as the cashier flipped my glocked sliped two shots dripped out the hulster peranoia ate at my composier flashed back i snaped tracked and react like a soilder the war done been over red lights flashed cops dashed to the side of my window busting out my seat i won't make this that simple im going down sheding blood affending scrubs deffending cuz dashed out the club into a tinted chevy wit rolling dubs cops petrolling heavy grab my semi automatic exploding trucks as i dived into an aquduct im acting up and ready to realese rage like two dogs starving in the same cage on a rampage highlights on the news im on the front page for days i ran wit no food and little salt water a little thought starter am i sane or crazy is it me or can i see hades maybe thats where im ment to burn poof i woke up knowing its not my turn i start to squirm my hands bard wit black scars invisions of masked starts cloud my thoughts and feelings of hatred destout of war brought by one being the only one on earth lefts standing is me that im seeing peranoia strikes me to soon see the comming of all wars start with me |
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02-20-06, 06:40 PM | #2 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 85BE FE9C
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02-21-06, 12:38 AM | #3 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
lol, nice, you did have better imagery but try to improved your vocab and make every line count to make me picture a walkthrough video. you was good on imagery but try adding some metaphors and multies
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02-21-06, 12:41 AM | #4 | |||||
.:Certified Mystique:.
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IP: BC5F 5748
Nice, imagery was great, up your vocab cuz it was basic but dope man...i give it a 8/10...word...1...keep at it
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02-21-06, 12:46 AM | #5 | |||||||
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IP: 85BE FE9C
uppin..........uppin... for more feedback come on yaw don't catch your z,s on this
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02-21-06, 11:45 AM | #6 | ||||
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IP: 31C2 62EB
Drop another link or this will be closed
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The Competition
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02-22-06, 09:19 PM | #7 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 85BE FE9C
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02-22-06, 09:31 PM | #8 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 9133 A552
Imagery was really good on this, flow was cool, but ur vocab needs increasing. The was the only problem i had with it really. But nice job with this, deff. an 8.5/10. Nice job keep it up...peace.
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02-22-06, 09:46 PM | #9 | |||||||
The Alien Toung
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IP: C527 8B3F
blunt ed sucks .
__________________
HELLLZ YEEAHH !!!! Quote:
Quote:
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02-22-06, 10:34 PM | #10 | |||||||
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IP: 85BE FE9C
well thanx for the feedback everyone oh and drunken munkey i don't know how i can get mad from a couple words from a person named drunken monkey the name gets more laughs then chris rock at the appolo and thats pretty bad hommie
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02-23-06, 07:49 AM | #11 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 860D ECBB
This was alright S but again peep the other thread u need to elevate on a
few things but u got potential. 1~ |
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02-26-06, 06:40 AM | #12 | |||||||
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IP: 61D6 C2FB
thanx for the feed back yaw i need to get more metaophore's i know and better vocab but i would need help with that sort of stuff wll thanx peeps
hey yaw i could use some more advise uppin,...............uppi.................uppi.... ............uppin...... |
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