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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-29-06, 05:58 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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Crying in the chapel.
IP: 132A 2D44
 Crying in the chapel. The feeling in my body becomes numb, as my knees weaken… I fall to the grace of Jesus, my Shepard… Time seems to fade… The breath that condensed my soul fills my eyes with rain… Beads of tears congregate my view of sorrow. The windows to my soul free the pain, released into vapour… My being is complete in his word, peace at-last is my saviour… My sin confession, the chains loosen their grip on my heart… Memories fade away onto the golden words of his grace. As I begin to rise to my feet, I sense the sorrow had found its escape… I walk a little, with him by my mind side, not seduced by Lucifer… I am celibate to animosity, free from atrocities, love with-in… The doors slam open, the sun renders me temporarily blinded. I hear a bird singing songs of freedom and pains fallen from grace… In the distance a glimmer of strength eases my solemn face into a smile… A whisper in the dark tells me my demons are no more, free from form… Caressed by love of my lord, another angel returns home in his love light. I am free. |
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03-29-06, 06:02 PM
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#2
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Out-Spoken
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IP: C1A9 A6B7
when you leave two links i'll respond to this...
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Seek & Destroy We have fun in my basement Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate. "watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew
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03-29-06, 06:06 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: 132A 2D44
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=224930
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=224549 Last edited by shotty man : 03-29-06 at 06:09 PM. |
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03-29-06, 06:31 PM
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#4
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New to RV
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IP: 132A 2D44
There are the links, i would apreciate some feed... thank you.
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03-30-06, 02:35 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: D0AB 146C
c'mon people, surely this is worth some feed... atleast a few people!
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 Thepoet.
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04-01-06, 06:50 PM
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#6
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I have a lot to learn...
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IP: 0B90 96F9
This poem is ill. You really capture the essence and emotion of Godly support and heavenly hope. Great diction, too.
But some lines I feel could have been done a bit better... For example: The windows to my soul free the pain, released into vapour… Obviously you're referring to the eyes with windows to my soul. When I read that it seemed kind of forced or something, like you just said that to sound more poetic. It could mean that through those windows the pain escapes from your soul, but if that meaning was what you wanted to convey maybe rewording it would have been better. Other than that though it was a good drop. Could you return the favor on my poem? The threads closed right now but soon it'll be open again.
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