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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-20-03, 07:02 PM
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#1
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Guest
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tell me what u think...
IP: CDD4 33E5
im not sure if this is much good or not, but tell me what ya think:
the end of my gun, is gettin cold against my ear, while my mind is in panic, over-run by fear, that ill never see the light of the next day again, in the meantime, remindin myself not to bend, my head when i pull the triger, of coarse i will die, so here i go "CLICK" damn, no bullets inside. i no its kinda short, but thats only one of many. so, tell me what u think? |
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02-21-03, 04:02 PM
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#2
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 5153 3B92
hey girl, not bad but yeah its kinda short but clear, it starts ok but the end is just so blah so us something we havent seen before be original keep pumpin thou and work on it
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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02-21-03, 05:18 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: CD77 25F1
lol funny end
it was decent like ur description and shit u need to work on ur flow tho, try writing in bars and a few multies nice tho 1 |
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02-22-03, 02:55 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 7BBC 5E47
ok thanx. im new at this (as u can prob see) and needed a few pointers. anyone who would still like 2 comment go for it.
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02-22-03, 03:19 PM
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#5
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Guest
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"My 2 Cents..."
IP: 5153 3B92
Yea...take each of those line, cut em in half where they rhyme...that's a bar, write like that...makes a piece much more easy to flow with, follow, and read period....
If this piece was more descriptive...like with tons of detail, and about 20 bars longer, this would be a great piece...I suggest you make titles for your spits, and make 'em longer...spend an hour on a verse if you have to, as long as the finishe dproduct is worthy of greatness...use mad detail, and descriptive vocabulary to bring life to your pieces...wordplay ios a must to, it betters the flow of the piece, and the construction of it too... Holla..... P.E.A.C.E. |
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02-22-03, 03:26 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 53EC D0AA
whats the best way to attack someone? Im new to this shit as well
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02-22-03, 04:06 PM
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#7
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Guest
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"My 2 Cents..."
IP: 5153 3B92
^^^Here's some pointers.....
#1. Go straight for the throat...get the scoop on the person before you diss them...Personal disses are always great to have in a verse.... #2. Creative metaphors and similies are a must...NO PLAYED LINES!!!...that'll give the person your assualting somethin to rap about in return.... #3. Rip them a new ass, and hand it to 'em.... There you go dog... P.E.A.C.E. |
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02-22-03, 04:07 PM
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#8
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Guest
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IP: 53EC D0AA
alright, wish I knew that before I posted my lines in the battle forum. Thank ill use that for future reference
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