http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...2445#post322445

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...2451#post322451

sit back, i got a story to tell, listen well/
its about how a young boys life crashed and fell/
lets call him Mark, now Mark was a regular kid/
everything he did was unspectacular, no secrets hid/
but there was this bully, lets call him Tom, Tom was strong/
he used to punch and kick Mark, spark him all break long/
he was the lunch money stealing type, tougher than dykes/
the type to pick up a half-brick and rough up your bike/
so every week Mark is coming home with a black eye/
and his parents are asking "what happened?", he just cracked lies/
like "oh i was clumsy, the door opened sudddenly/
its doesnt hurt, oh i gotta sit, my knees are feeling rubbery"/
see Mark was a pacifist and a nice guy to boot/
he put up with bashing-fists, smashing-hits and boots/
he threw up a smile to avoid revealing his feelings/
maybe whinced a few times when his body was healing/
anyhow, one day he got the rose-tinted vision/
on this girl he just noticed and suddenly he was wishin'/
to position himself close to her, talk and boast to her/
maybe get her name and number and just coast to her/
so as Mark walks to this girl and starts a conversation/
2 minutes later he hears the call "get out of the way son!"/
Tom shoves past the kid, gives him another abrasion/
and right there is where, Mark starts to lose his patience/
see, he didnt reallt give a fuck 'bout taking a beating/
being being humilated in public had his anger heating/
now Marks yelling out loud "stop, you dick!/
i've had enough of your bullshit, come here you prick!"/
and he swings, its like all frustraition has come out at once/
he connects and this bully barely stomach the punch/
he doubles up with a rubber gut, and now its tough luck/
coz Mark's temper snapped this guy is getting fucked up/
it takes three teachers to break up the fight/
rage had faded, now Marks crying at this shake to his life/
his parents are yelling at him for defending himself/
hes thinking "fuck if i hadnt stopped i couldve ended his health"/
hes quaking coz he knows Toms gonna get him back/
so the next day he goes to the kitchen, straight to the knife rack/
and sneaks a blade into his jacket pocket, hopoing against hope/
that he can get through the day without going against rope/
no such fortune, hes barely stepped foot in a classroom/
when he feels a hand grabbing his neck, pulling him back through/
and knock him off his feet, its Tom wanting pay back/
wanting to beat Mark until his eyes glaze black/
but Mark aint stupid, hes already reaching/
as he falls, he pulls Tom down to cushion his beating/
the problem is as Tom and Mark both falls to the ground/
the knife is only half out and the point is still down/
theres a ripping noise and Tom finds himself covered in blood/
he realises its not his, looks down, discovers the wood/
the knife handle sticking out of Mark, the weapon he brung/
is now forcefully stung ointo his fucking right lung/
he gurgles like a baby, Tom screams and panics/
acting manic with guilt, he tries to reach and grab it/
and pull it out, next problem, it opens the cut up/
and now 30 kids are witnessing a ruck gone fucked up/
by the time the ambulance arrives, Mark had died/
and Tom is left with his fingerprints on every knife side/
hes so stressed his visions turning gray hes thinking "fuck this"/
theres no stopping the kid as the blade touched wrist/
so trust this, theres a lesson here if you listen clear/
that karmas a bitch a bitch to deal with when its ugly head rears/
so leanr from Tom and Mark and dont make the same mistakes/
the breaks aint easy, believe me, whatever the stakes/

long arsed stopry i worte about 2 weeks ago, feedback?

Dunno wat to say la. sorta like eminems brain damage. shit was nice like im down wiv more story tellin pieces. vocab was aight enough to convey the right deelings and shit. i dunno maybe one problem i got wiv it was it was hard to sympathise wit mark. its just like he just flipped for fuck all reason. its gonna take more than a few beatings to spark off sum quiet kid. still nice piece. check mine not on me (war) aight l8r la.

not even like brain damage... it's just a tight narrative.. I was feelin' this, awsome flow.. the vocab wasn't anythin' special, but was suited the piece perfectly.. it kinda fell off at the end, but over all it was pretty safe.. uppin'....

p.s. could u respond to my shiz..

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now that was dope... super long and you lucky i read it cause i've peeped some of your other posts... i'll be sure to check you in the future... keep rhymin