|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-16-03, 06:37 AM
|
#1
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
- Last Straw - [Freestyle ; Feedback Please]
IP: 7AA4 FF6F
I'm so mad, i'm in a rage and i got this gun in mah Pocket
As i point it to this guy's head, best believe i won't Drop It Mah finger starts to shake on da trigger, I'm about to Pull It This guy has a heavy past, and i'll end it wit a single Bullet A tear drops from his eye, corpse vision, another life Wasted But once the bullet is fired, don't think i'm gonna Chase It I won't regret, so don't think i'll come back on my Decision This guy's shakin', sweatin' and stratin' to have double Vision He can't think anymore, he jus can't believe the Situation His thoughts are blurred, there ain't no more Concentration His family means nothin' to him cause he's just about to Die He can't face things anymore now, he jus closes his Eyes He stays there, he can feel the gun which brings him Goose Bumps He faces his life and realises he's nothin, not even a Trump He sees his whole past in a silent flash, still wit eyes Closed His family comes before him and he regrets the path he Chose He then opens his eyes, but only to see the gun is still upon Him He looks for some light, but the fuckin' atmosphere is so Dim He feels useless, nothin' can keep him livin' on this Earth He actually realisis he's been a noone ever since his Birth He concentrates but the only thing he can see is Death What's important when ya confrontied to ya last vital Breath ? He feels useless, he can't face it anymore, what's takin' so Long ? He jus wants this nightmare to end now, he admits he's been Wrong But he ain't beggin' to live, he's almost fuckin' Satisfied He thinks he could be the biggest thug even if he fuckin' Died But i ain't got the balls, i put down the gun and walk away Slowly Jus understand that the guy wit the gun on his head was Me Now that you know that you can scroll up and read this shit Again It was a suicide scene, cuz for me, life or death... it's all the Same... |
||||||
|
|
06-16-03, 06:52 AM
|
#2
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 7AA4 FF6F
Uppin' for feedback...
|
||||||
|
|
|
06-16-03, 08:52 AM
|
#3
|
||||||
|
New to RB
|
IP: 60BE 3047
not bad bro... Like teh visuals... deep ending 2... needs a lil work but good work really... needs deeper rythme rather than the usual one line rymes wit the one b4.... But good shit..
__________________
 =  = 
|
||||||
|
|
|
06-16-03, 02:08 PM
|
#4
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 9BD2 F24F
it was tight needs worked on though
|
||||||
|
|
|
06-17-03, 11:39 AM
|
#5
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 33A4 85E9
thx y'all... much appreciated...
|
||||||
|
|
|
06-17-03, 11:40 AM
|
#6
|
|||||||
|
Banned For Biting
|
IP: E267 1347
feelin this 8/10
needs a lil improv. but over all nice peice |
|||||||
|
|
|
06-18-03, 05:48 AM
|
#7
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 5563 7006
Thx man
 |
||||||
|
|
|
06-18-03, 05:52 AM
|
#8
|
||||||||
|
shit is just too easy.
|
IP: EB26 FBFF
Quote:
Nuff Sed Right There..Nice |
||||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
