this is a quik freestyle let me have some feedback...

yo these words that are spittin, was never writtin//
i grabbed a mic, put on tha beat and began shittin//
kuz my lyrics is tha shit, could u match wits, or even try//
if u decided to try i would french fry u like a mcdonald guy//
don't cry, just say goodbye to ur career//
u sent in yo demo to boogie down productions and thay said maybe next year//
kuz i am ur biggest fear, an antiqueer, it's scares u//
dude ya rhyme scheme is garbage compared to...//
anything that spit, ignites, and lights very nicely//
i could still out do u, in some jeans and a white t//
don't take this shit lightly, kuz this is serious//
what did ya momz say, don't kill him he's dear to us//
is he outta clitarus, give a cheers to us, we takin over//
i'mma knock on ya'lls door wit my shit like i'mma jahova//
explodee like a supernova, till october, shit is crazy//
my diction is huge maybe kuz i'm not lazy//
ya lil blows don't phase me, whatever tha case be, i'm still winnin//
while ya'll over there bitchin like ya'll a bunch women//
get out tha linen, we'll be here a while i'm condeming all of ya'll//
wether we spittin, racing, or just playin basketball//
feel free to call, if u don't like it oh well it's my protocall, can't change//
but we could rearrange, ya ammentites for feelin thangs//
might have a lil blood stains but most will be interal//
i'm popin at u cats like i'm tha heat and ya'll a popcorn curnnal//
take off tha gurtal, lets get really dirty with all of this//
ya got brown stains round ya mouf kuz u talkin shit but ain't whipen it//
go fly a kite or fish, at whatever time is, ya'll never beat me//
it won't be likely, kuz percisely, i hit tha right key to make u like me//
i got game like spike lee, despite tha color of skin//
but i still i get women, but all this shit i spittin is only tha begin//
my title i'll never defend kuz my level of competition is so high//
u'd hafta be a crazy guy, wit an evil eye, and a strong pry//
only one like that is me myself and I, so ya better try again//
kuz tha ratio of u winning over me, is very very slim//
who can try to stop him, tha world may never find out//
cuz my clout surpasses tha count, and there fore i'm not held to be account//
for my actions kuz i'll stir evil reactions, of dissatisfaction, wit a mack gun//
no notta cap gun, stop tha flappin and lets get down to action//
no close caption, this is spit straight so tha deaf could hear it//
i ain't a human being, i'm 2pac not livin i'm tha spirit//

Dats sum ill shit, Bib. Im feelin it. Post more up. Holla atcha dawg.

thanx dawg i was just feelin a spit and it just flohed.....i'll post more its just i busy and shit wit working......i'll post more.....More feedback!!!!!

damn, you freestyled that? great flow, great rhymes. wow. nice work!!!

Lmao This Piece wasnt that Tight.........It was Aight , Kinda Simplistic , No Vocab , Nuthin caught my attention........But Keep spitting and U will Get Better