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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-25-03, 01:07 PM
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#1
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Guest
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corruption of innocence
IP: 88AC 6C2F
Wondering the lonely streets alone with sidewalks filled
Screams heard over laughter others joy cant be killed The girl cowering in the alley is being corrupted by the beer soaked soul His weight pressing on her soft skin menatally,physically shes taken over whole Her struggles prove needless as her mouth is covered with his hand Her life so unwanted before is now seemingly grand Her clothing strewn in the alley her life seems to follow Her body so full of emotion has turned to be hollow His breath stained with alcohol his body with grease Speaks softly into her ear causing the pain to increase He averts her head to look into his eyes The emptiness he sees is viewed with surprise As she stares her souls taken, her eyes with emotion Her life has been taken with a swift motion Her struggles cease as she allows this corruption His desire for this young girl deminish as he views his destruction The hall next to this room now seems less public as he climbs off of his victim the open bedroom door sheds in light, his mouth opens but she hears no diction HIs silence desired she pulls on her clothes Tears fall from her face as she rocks quietly her innocence shows As he walks down the hall her picture stabs him with pain Single handedly he ruined his own childs life, if it even remains The rocking grows soothing to her emotionless body Her own father has raped her like some whore, worthless and shoddy The answer sits in the casing inside the broken door She grasps it into her hand, thoughts continue to soar He walks back toward the site and sees his child with her reply The trigger pulled, a moan heard, emotions shown as she cries This man who has hurt her, put her onto this earth Watching her growth since her unwanted birth She steps over his body gun still in her palm Grabs a pen and an old paper her thoughts weighing a ton Her mother so helpless but so needed to blame Has always been aware, but simply cowers in shame "I've been hurt since the begining you watched as i mature My bodies been growing as my soul has been hurt I'll no longer allow these pains to happen Please realise this was a much thought of action I'll love you until death, and even after today This pain has surmounted me these bullets will help to relay I can not continue on with this pain soaked life The joys have not come as often as the strife Goodbye i must say now, but momma please know HIs death as well as mine was done so you can grow. Dont dwell on this burden, find happiness and peace I have found that in this, much wanted relief Sealed with a kiss, the envelope holds all remaining love She walks to her bedroom, as lights shine from above She lies on her bed and reliquishes her pain The trigger pulled effortlessly, her body taken with no strain *there might be some parts u may not understand, like the streets alley/hall bedroom thing if it confuses u too much jus ask cuz theres reason behind it.... much luv 1 |
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06-26-03, 12:02 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 9849 6BEB
uppinnnnnnnn......
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06-28-03, 12:21 PM
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#3
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Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
It's a shame you haven't had 1 response and this was a really good writing. You put a lot of emotion in each line, so when I read it, I felt it more. I really don't know what to say about your piece here. You did such a good job writing it. None of the rhyming looked forced at all. The content was really good, it made me kinda sad.
"Grabs a pen and an old paper her thoughts weighing a ton Her mother so helpless but so needed to blame Has always been aware, but simply cowers in shame "I've been hurt since the begining you watched as i mature My bodies been growing as my soul has been hurt I'll no longer allow these pains to happen Please realise this was a much thought of action I'll love you until death, and even after today This pain has surmounted me these bullets will help to relay I can not continue on with this pain soaked life The joys have not come as often as the strife Goodbye i must say now, but momma please know HIs death as well as mine was done so you can grow. Dont dwell on this burden, find happiness and peace I have found that in this, much wanted relief" That letter to mom part was probably my favorite. I thought that part was really good. Keep posting more. Don't worry about all the sleepers in here. |
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06-28-03, 02:13 PM
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#4
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Tampons are expensive
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IP: EF0A E7B2
whoa..the abstract structure of the poem awed me...the whole point of releasing such an awesome concept is pretty good..
Your use of words are plain but every single one of them is like important for this piece to be called a poem.... The imagery and sequential events are pretty well written...some vocabs are alright...and yeah ur right i was confused at some parts but i read it the second time and understood it clearly... ive read a lot of piece that deals with the same concept but the fact that u put much effort on it ...the reality-based like theme really helped a lot... i liked it...drop more!
__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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06-28-03, 03:38 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 29B1 7DB3
thanks yall...i ain lettin tha sleeperz gettin to me, the ppl who read it are jus appreciated by me more......uppin
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