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07-11-03, 12:50 AM | #1 | ||||||
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Dirty Walls
IP: 0100 305B
Once was considered the best basketball player in the nation...but not anymore
Straight A's on a full scholarship to North Carolina...but that was before Before his Father walked outta his life...Mother found soaked in blood on the floor Older brother was nothing but a alcholic that had no problem living poor He loves the rain...When it comes it can sometimes wash away his pain Needs an exit from it all but his life is on a one way lane Friends turn their backs...hope they can get a discount on a ticket to fame I need some money...Remeber me...Im you third cousin....Its all the same Plus with all this trouble hes becoming a dad Heres a story of a kids last day....Who lost everything he had -------------------------- Sitting quietly in his room rather a cell....holding a peice close Hasnt faced all struggle but the kid has lived most Newport in his mouth..tastes better knowing this is his last Inhale...Exhale..Use to doing the scoring so he figures he'll let time pass No fear in his face...Suprises most with his nonchalent manner Once a fan...above his tv hangs a torn Jordan banner Wish he could see his problem better maybe he needed galsses Feels that writing will only take time...so his Will contains nothing but ciggarete ashes Leaves no notes no message behind Use to wish life was a movie so he could rewind No music...No sounds actually....Hell not even a vibe He laughs away thoughts through his head reapetdley as his Newport nears the end Past couple months he has become his only friend Flicks the rest into his trash and watchs the smoke from it rise out Too focused now....Nothing can cry out Lays back in his broken chair and stares at his dirty walls Must have been thinking about his peice of shit car the way his mind stalls For a moment at ease....the birds and the trees ............Fuck It Figure he will enjoy his last few mintues...Watch his favorite show "Damn I actually read the credits this time...Definetly time to go" (Laughs his pain away) .............Next on VH1 "Where Are They Now"............... .............BANG........................... .............Now his girl has a reason to clean the dirty walls............. |
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07-11-03, 01:32 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
great freakin ending...lol....definately enjoyed reading it...the storyline was real good, imagery was great...
L&P |
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07-11-03, 04:28 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: C44C E3FD
it was nice...tight ending...i think it got better after the division...the focus on the newport brought a whole new aspect to it......which added alot and was really nice....good imagery...
much luv 1 |
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07-12-03, 04:30 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 0100 305B
thanks miss tique and recca....uppin
Last edited by ShorteRoc : 07-12-03 at 04:39 PM. |
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07-12-03, 11:33 PM | #5 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 5949 B844
Awesome poem, yah and kick ass ending!
*jaimee*
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Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned They're only powerful when you got your back turned I yearn for the day I finally meet them again So I can give them all a taste of their own medicine ¤ 3ast Sid3 ¤ http://hometown.aol.com/jjbootaylicious |
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07-13-03, 06:50 AM | #6 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: EFAA BEFE
Daaaaaaaaaamn! I am eternally, extremelly, undeniably, and unbelievably impressed. You have a story telling ability. Obviously the endings was good, but it was sweet how you mentioned the dirty walls before the end. The second part was tight. I can't believe you were able to have such a good rhyme scheme. I'll say it again... Damn.
peace
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. |
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07-13-03, 05:51 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 0100 305B
Thanks Upping
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07-13-03, 11:07 PM | #8 | |||||||
Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: C1DA C961
That shit was dopetry i really like how u had the 2nd part revolve around the cigarette keep that shit comin cause as u can tell niggas is feelin ya words mayne, 1luv.
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07-14-03, 04:02 PM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: 0100 305B
Definetly respect to all those who respond and take time to read some of my peices.....Thanks Nfamous Phoenix and all others....
One ShorteRoc |
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