Requiem for Hope

Peace is but a shadow of death,
Desperate to forget its painful past,
Though we hope for promising years,
After shedding a thousand tears,
Yesterday's sorrow constantly nears,
And while the moon still shines blue,
By dawn, it will turn to scarlet hue,
And the past will repeat anew.

Conflict is a reflection of the present,
Never far away from everything and anything,
Gone are the nights of constant heartache,
For the feasts and loves that we all partake,
And here are the fears that we can't shake,
Hidden in a place of uneasiness,
Are the thoughts and actions that led to this,
But all's so easily fixed by death's kiss.

Love is the greatest of human emotions,
Directing almost all of what we say and do,
Constantly searching for our one true love,
Going place to place like a beautiful dove,
And knocked to the ground by a cold hearted shove,
So everyday we keep on trying,
But losing love so often that we feel like dieing,
So we trudge along, all the while sighing.

fin

I'm not to proud of that last rhyme, but i really want to hear feedback on this one plz
peace

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We are the music makers,
and we are the dreamers of dreams.

uppin'

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We are the music makers,
and we are the dreamers of dreams.

I aint sure why no one is replying. Maybe it's cause you're new or something. I dunno, folk always keep me out of the loop.

Anyway, this peace has a lot of basic mindset found in the mindset of nearly every poet. I get the feeling you're writing what you think you're supposed to right instead of what you really really NEED to write. I'm not saying this peice was bad, far from it. I just felt that it's the kind of thing all of us tend to write before we find who we really are. (And even then that search never truly stops.)

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

I liked it.

Exploring oneself and the world around him through writing. Kind of like exercising the 'pen' and finding different rythms(sp) in the process.

Yeah at times rhyme scene a bit rigid. And yes, at times a bit too elaborate and then not elaborate enough. Inconsistency.

But overall, a nice piece which i liked. And it was one of 'those' pieces.

...resp...