This one is short...but I think it says what it needs to..please tell me what you think...

This world around me is confusing
All the Time, I feel like I am Loosing
Parents making me do the choosing
My father stays up late at night drinking
While I just sit in my room, Thinking
My mother sits by and watches our family decay
I listen to all there shit, Everyday
I watch him waste his life away
I've seen his smile turn to tears
Watched his health fade over the years
My Love for him as a role-model disappears
I just want to be by his side, and help him through
My love for him as my father, Is painful but true
It's hard to love someone of his Kind
But I know I can do it in my Mind
My mother sees this, she's not blind
There are times when I dont think she cares
When There is a coldness in her stare
Should I keep my Pride or just Swallow?
I don't who's footsteps to follow

Very emotional yet well put. This just bought me into it, and kept there right to the end. Imagery used well. Solid use of vocab with sentences constructed to very good effect. Had a feel of mild rawness, in a quite controlled way.

No critique. A very good piece.

..resp...

Thanks for the feedback...I'm glad to hear it was pretty good...

peAce

deep shit boo,sorry it took so long for me to get to this one, well you did it right this one was felt fa real,keep ya head up girl tha sun shines through tha darkness always,peace out girl

SICK SHIT....HAd a twist.....i Like this Piece ma...lol is yo boy ruth where ta azz being..lol

__________________

~ Make Me A Modeator ~


The Flow Was Crazy Basic ~Will Never Say That Again~
But Your Words Were Fealt
On Such A Serious Topic.....

You Make Your Own Footsteps Girl....
If Your A Follower There Will Never
Be Any Form Of Direction In Your Life
Find Your Own Way.....

Please Be Respectful And Reply To Those
Who Have Shown Interest In Your Work...
If You Check Your Own You Have Enough Time
To Look At The Next Persons...Dont Front

~Content~

Con-tent Say It With Me....I Know You Can

Hey ruth lol.whats up? thinks for the feedback man i appreciate it...Thank you Diverse' ...

peAce

Thanks for the feedback Content'....And I will ...

peAce

nice drop it was very emotional n tha brings the reader into it n keeps them ther till the end nice solid vocaband the lines were constructed wit alot of effect

Hm... you generally have very well written material and this is no exception. The emotions conveyed were heart hurting at the core. And the thoughts gave one of a split dicision that had to be made.

I guess your in a bad situation with your parents. Never having parents, I can't really relate to it. So I'm not really feeling this peice as much as possible. But the talent you've displayed and display is still there and apparent.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thank you for the feed back...

Necromancer- I have both of my parents physically, But only one mentally. I have my mother, But my dad is a major problem in my life right now. But thanks for the feedback....

peAce

nice drop, definitely feeling it.... really heartfelt
keep speaking straight from the heart and you'll find ya way
peace

9/10