(1st guy)
Baby please forgive me
I'm sendin you a plea
Set me free, from this burden upon thee
I don't want these past 5 years to become history
Nothin I say can change the past
Sorry for my wrong choice
I wanna hear your angry voice
That’ll mean you still here
Losin' you be my biggest fear

(girlfriend talking)
Get out, sleep with that tramp
Leave my house, don’t come back

(1st guy talkin to 2nd guy)
Yo man I don't wanna lose my baby
Man save me, talk her or something
I can't handle this shit

(2nd guy talkin 1st guy)
Aight yo, I'll do what I can

(2nd guy, rappin, to girlfriend)
He don't know what to do
He loves you, thinks you’re the one, his soul mate, its true
Believe me, this is just like a yearly flu
Don't call it quits, this relationship is not through
I know one day, I'll be his best man, both you sayin "I do"

Everyone in this world makes daily mistakes
No one perfect, he's not either, don’t take him to the stake
Don't slam the brakes because of this incident
Makin yourself distant will cause him self imprisonment

In 5 years you two been through a lot
But through every argument a solution was sought
I see you lookin at his picture, eye showin a little tear
I know you want him here, at night sleepin near
Tell me and I'll make him reappear, so you two can sit and talk
For a full 24 hour rotation of the clock
Things go back to the way they were before
And you two will continue, never to descend only to soar

(girlfriend to 2nd guy talkin)
I want my baby back, I miss him
Tell him to come back

(2nd guy to 1st guy rappin)
I got her to take you back
Get your relationship on the right track
Take in all the flak
Power is a position in which you lack

Buy her a present
Make sure to it's pleasant, not something from a peasant
A dozen roses and bubble bath, that womanly stuff
It won't be enough, but it'll make the verbal abusive less rough
I told her, now I tellin you, you 2 meant for each other
I can't picture you 2 with out one another
It's time for you to make amend
Soon this whole thing will seem like make believe, all pretend

(2nd guy to girlfriend rappin)
What I did was uncalled for and completely wrong
Hear today, beggin forgiveness, wrote you this song
I know you and me, together we belong
From the second I saw you, I believe in love at first sight
Lied in bed thinkin about you all night

Never was in love before, but that you changed
From day 1, I felt love signals exchanged
Never got you outta my mind
You shimmered so brightly, made me blind

I don't want this mistake, to put our love at stake
You I want to see when I awake
Without you I'm not complete
A sun, that gives off no heat
Please baby take me back
Without you, I'm a train with no track
No where to go, nothing to do
My life would be over and through

Release the white dove
So there is peace, and between us rekindle the love

Rhyming/Flow
Was Nice, It Flowed Smooth Pretty Throught The Whole Song. You Had Good Rhyming Even In The non-Rappin Bits.The Structure Was Dope As Well...7/10

Vocab/Wordplay
You Used The Rigth Words To EXpress The Emotion..word. Some Of It : "Thee" etc. Made iT Sound Like Shakespeare BUt It Was Good. Well Played out....8/10

Concept/Topic
THis Is Where You Really Shined. A Great Topic (Maybe A Little PLayed), BUt You Made It Your Own. Not Once Did Your Stray, Ever Stanza Had a meaning, Every Bar Had Concept Behind It..word....8/10

Overall
This Was A Great Read. We Don't get Many Of Those In Open Mic Now! You Showed Your True Potential n' Skill Behind This Piece, Could'nt See Anything To Improve It on...8/10

Word!

uppin this peeps...don't sleep on it
drop a link and I'll for sure check your shit out

wtf people why you sleepin on this

drop a link and I'll check your stuff out

i liked it man
your style defines you and you showed well
thanks for not sleeping

i like it when originality shows its head up in rb sometimes

keep elevating

Well i don't know as much as rhythmic, lol, can't rbeak it down that well, but ir ekon it was prti dope, couple of the lines reminded of the 50 cent 21 questions : i lvoe you like a fat kid love cake... These ones....
Believe me, this is just like a yearly flu
^haha nice

Make sure to it's pleasant, not something from a peasant
^ Froma peasent lol, good....

They reminded me off 50 cause his lines are funny, but get the point through....

Nice drop over-all and keep spittin dawg.....

Pce

This was an excellent peice. I enjoyed Reading It. I loved the Topic. Very Good. Stayed on it of course. I liked the Use Of 3 people and 2 of them Rapping. Vocab was low, but i dont really think you were trying to do anything with vocab anyways. Flow, Good, Fell off at some points........Wordplay, Not really needed in here, so wont do anything for that. Creativity, Good becuz the topic was nice.
Overall Score= 8/10

Nice Job Dunny!
lol

im out....