This is my first love poem that I ever wrote...Its kinda simple...just please tell me what u think...

I remember when our love was strong and real
When your smooth gentle hands were all I wanted to feel
Wanting to hold you close through every season
And when I fell in love, I wanted you to be the reason
We peomised each other we would be faithful
And never would we become suspects of each others betrayal
But lately I have noticed how certain things have changed
Now I think my future isnt really arranged
You no longer kiss my cheeks and hold me close to you
And I no longer feel like our love is pure and true
your eyes seem distant now, you seem so far away
It's like you never listen to a single word i say
I have consulted friends and family about our situation
They say if we fall apart, thats destinys creation
We are spending more time alone, than we are together
It almost seems like we havent hugged or kissed in forever
Even when im lying next to you, I feel like im across the sea
Our love is no longer there, and thats become clear to me

Definately good for a first love poem. It's good no matter how many you wrote..

All the lines came together really nicely. It read easy, like a story or something. I didn't have to read twice to get what you were saying cause you made it all pretty clear. You put a lot of emotion into it. Like when you said even though you're right next to him, you feel like you're across the sea. I thought that line was pretty descriptive. The whole thing was good and I enjoyed reading it.

"Wanting to hold you close through every season
And when I fell in love, I wanted you to be the reason
We peomised each other we would be faithful
And never would we become suspects of each others betrayal"

"We are spending more time alone, than we are together
It almost seems like we havent hugged or kissed in forever
Even when im lying next to you, I feel like im across the sea
Our love is no longer there, and thats become clear to me"

Those are the lines out of it that I liked the most. I'm suprised you haven't got any replies for this one. It's definately good..

Sorry I haven't been on lately..Some family probs...But thanks for your feedback..and I agree about the replies..I thought it deserved more but I really appreciate yours...I never really tried to sit down and right a love poem but i finally did and this was the result lol...Thanks again...

peAce

tight poem boo ,you know i like tha majority of your shit,too bad you fallin out of love but most loves dont last,keep spittin and keep ya head up,hit me up baby girl.

Very real. Emotions were pure. It was written without any real cynicism or whatever. A very nice, simple well put love poem.

Nothing else to say on it.

..resp...

Thanks Varentao...I appreciats the feedback...And thank you too Diverse ..I agrre about the love thing..This one went well for a year but things change i guess...Well ill quit rambling...Adios...

peAce

As many times as this theme has been done, it never fails to prove truth and meaning. this topic can be done a thousand fold and still be enjoyable and tireless.

nice post, speaks to those who can relate. it's impossible to critique emotion and feeling.

__________________
"life is a game, you have to choose a side to play
if i gotta pick a position, i'mma pick missionary."

Thanks for the reply...and I agree about the topic

peAce

this was good, it was easy to read, flow was there, and i got the message sharp and clear didnt have to reread it again to try to see where you were coing from. this topic almost everyone can relate to so you gotta try hard to put something in it they didnt think of before something to make them think about it all over again. Nice post, keep the poems coming u certanily got some talent for it, try using some other set ups other then aabb, i'll be watching for the next one. peace

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baby girl, nice piece. Definitely if it's your first love poem... believe me, just keep on dropping stuff like that, cuz I loved this.
Great flow and full of emotions.

"We are spending more time alone, than we are together
It almost seems like we havent hugged or kissed in forever
Even when im lying next to you, I feel like im across the sea
Our love is no longer there, and thats become clear to me"

That was my fav line, especially cuz I can relate to that and have been in more likely the same situation.
Keep speaking straight from the heart.

peace

lemme introduce my self.....ILLEST 14 yea-old on da net.......$tyle/$witch has arriv'd.....now dat poem wuz tight....plus i like ya sig....lol.....na i lik'd ya poem......u preety real bring'n ya luv life here ma...anywayz tight ish......BLAH!!....1ne

very nice......i aint been through that but i still felt it.............nice drop..keep spitting

well i aint to fond of the love poems cuz she is but a harsh mistress who has always let me down....so i dont hang wit her no more....

but back to your piece...

fav lines-You no longer kiss my cheeks and hold me close to you
And I no longer feel like our love is pure and true
your eyes seem distant now, you seem so far away

can i tell you how many times ive said this o have heard this? it really hits home so I think that you have got some good shit here....ima say 8/10 i just wish it would be longer.....

FUCK LOVE but nice drop

Nice drop but its played out.Most girls can relate to this.I mean u may think that hes tha one thats changin wen its really u ! overall nice drop ,Keep uppin~1luv~