From the Womb to the Tomb

This wasn't a story of the old.../
That no one knows.../
or a legend that was told...//
It was about the brith and death of the one who sent to earth, and suffered more pain then anybody else.../
Who was humble and never slept in hotels...//
The one who walked over water.../
And was sent by his father...//
On a kamikaze Mission.../
Where the scriptures were his only ammunition...//
and had the power to cast out demons.../
through his prayers and his amens...//
and converted water into cristaaalll.../
he was perfect to a ten with no flaw...//
Came for the Jews, but who knew, he came for me and you too...//
Never rude.../
Fed people by multiplying the food..//
To feed the thousands of people.../
treating everyone like his equal.../
but he was crucified and it was sad, but be glad there's a "sequal"...//

Alright I know not everyone beleive in god or jesus but it doesn't matter cause everyone has there own beliefs and oppinion and this is one of mine... Please respect my oppinion like I respect yours.. Thanks waiting for your feedback and will post the "sequal" which is part 2 of this poem soon...

Where to start ah yes the poem(ha), very good and i liked it, the cristal line made me smile definently. The vocabulary was basic but it didn't need anything more it is what it is. the subject matter is a sensitive one with me and i respect your opinions and will leave it at that. Thank you for the experience.

and converted water into cristaaalll.../
he was perfect to a ten with no flaw...//-still smiling!!!!!

Thanks for the feedback and the respect of oppinions man... I'll make sure to check your stuff out man...

Thanks comments are welcomed but criticism either positive or negative is needed to make me elevate and stay in a single state

Haha, word on that crisstallllllllllll line, when i read it, it made me smile, then i stopped, but i read that post and i'm smilin again, lol, well i dunno what else to say, it was basic but got the point across, all i can criqtique is to make your lines more even and use some more advanced vocab? Nice though, peace.

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