Found some old shit laying in my notebook so I decided to drop it on here...

What once was a blissful endeavor
Has turned into an eternal hell
I have to walk away before I lose my soul
Once a heart so pure now,
Now tainted more than mans greed for gold
But still I stand emotionless, never saying a word
Lies have filled the empty space that truth left behind
Absurd and bizarre feelings form all thru the mind
But still I stand emotionless, never saying a word
Confusion of my mind starts to set in
Lost in the dark, searching for the light so long
I no longer know where to begin
Left me stranded in the sea of broken hearts
Not even once did I let my eyes shed a tear
Never cry and I will stay true to my word forever
I will always stand emotionless, never saying a word
An emotionless existence created by the many before
The ones who ripped my heart, seeming throwing into the wind
The people who for whatever reason
Wanted to keep me from ever loving someone again
To keep myself from pain and anguish
I vowed to always stand emotionless, never to say another word


~100~

'guess ima trend setter'

this rhymed somewhat but it wasnt meant to rhyme
at all really...your feelings definately overshadowed
your imagery...which was nowhere to be seen...
more of a straightforward piece...its hard to
really critiqe something like this...its not my kinda
write but its not bad either (cartoon character card)

la paz

1 reply out of 20 looks isnt it awful!!
so ima make it two for ya

i liked this it was clean cut and simple, got its point across, and like Content said its hard to critiqe something like this.

your vocab was good and your flow was there

i found that sometimes i was asking for a few more lines inbetween to tell more of the story, especially in between lines 3 and 4

you kept emotion though out the whole piece which is good.

but like mentioned you need more imangery, it would take it that much farther, dont be afraid of searching new places inside you that u might not even know are there

all and all i liked it, it was a good drop. welcome to RB by the way

keep droppin more i'll make sure to check them out and actually leave a message LOVE

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

shits hot dawg...........i like da italic shit it makes it look hot.......tight vocab.....structure wuz iight......overall it wuz enertain'n.............1ne