Pain is my single biggest fear/
I contain it but if it was 2 disappear/
Would my life be complete?/
Nope I can now only compete/
Against depression/
But if the very end of this session/
Arose a part of me would die/
Something that jubilation couldn’t rectify/
Because I only know internal suffering/
I realise now im discovering/
The only reason I still breath air/
Is because im use 2 all this despair/
That I witness all the time/
I believe I was the devils design/
2be-able 2 cope with pain/
Yet not allowing 1’s self 2 contain/
A shred of happiness/
So actually im glad joy is passing this/
Depressed infested joke in me/
Im just going2be the barer of pain like im suppose 2 be/

The flow really put me off a little in this piece
It didn't seem to match up...iunno maybe it
was the way I was reading it...but it made
it hard to concentrate cause I had to keep
going back over lines

But still..very emotional piece, deep in some parts
but you definately got your message out into words

stay up

thanku 4 ur reply ~Soultress~
this is something alil
diffrent 2 what i usually do
maybe thats y the flow is fucked
but thanx 4 reading it anyway

I noticed as I was reading this that it was different than what I've seen you write. But it is still good, very talented.

Anyway, you should probably write something in the title besides a period. People won't click on it if it's just ".", and then no one'll read it. Unless of course, that's your intention.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

this piece here i dont know what much to say about it, its pretty self explanatory, the flow does fall off in some spots but its not at all bad, your vocab was pretty good. I dont remember seeing any of yur other pieces but ima look tem up now cause i guess this ones so different.

I believe I was the devils design/
2be-able 2 cope with pain/
Yet not allowing 1’s self 2 contain/
A shred of happiness/

i liked this part, it might not have been the best four lines in your piece but they are the four lines that stood out to me, the lines i'll remember from it.

anywho good piece all and all, keep posting more i'll be watching for them.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

Arose a part of me would die/
Something that jubilation couldn’t rectify/
Because I only know internal suffering/
I realise now im discovering/

^^ deep lines truely express the way one feels with depression

at least how i feel sometimes good peice i liked teh construction of it personally
~~elev~~
pz DF

loved the flow but tha topic is played i dont really like tha sad poems.emotion was heartfelt.keep uppin ~1luv~

lemmie tell you real...cuz some people just dont get it....you had flow..mos def....but ya style was elementary...just as it was wit ya vocab...but it was coo overall...

igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

A piece that had a simplicity which also burrowed in to bring some depth.

but overall, to the point in many senses. The flow was there, though at times rigid.

I did feel the emotions. Though once or twice weining.

...resp....

thanx 4 all the feed back

good piece..flow a littl choppy but ye wordplay made up for it...check my peice out Am I?

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461