Basically this is my first rap, I just wanted to try to tell a story for my first rap. I'm guessing it's the most fundamental part of a rap so I thought I can work on those skills first, then work on rhyming, structure etc etc.

One thing..my real name is Franjo. But it's not pronounced Fran-joe. It's pron: Fran-yo. Just thought I'd let you know since I
use my name in my rhymes. OMC stands for Online MC.

FranjoBalls'

Ya'll think your hardcore..check yo self at the door/
Yo This is my first rhyme, Im jus tryin to tell a story, already possessin' the power and the glory/
OMC FranjoBalls, on tha block....that ya can't stop..all ya'll can taste the 17 shots from my glock/
cause it's pointed..towards your head with no hesitation to see you dead/
But don't mis-undastand, I don't like violence only when it benefits FranjoBalls bank balance/
Franjo got a brain, with a big set of balls, ain't windin up like pops in da pen, busted sellin drugs to an online cop\
Nigga got 5 years...no parole more importantly no MSN silly fool ain't gettin no bitches in his bed.

this nigga at work gettin paid, ya'll broke bitches can't even get laid/
Franjo at work simply illin...secretary readin my rhymes...she know i be winnin,
phone rings..ex-ten-sion 227.."Yo Franjo you a OMC" I say damn rights girl...who's dat on line 3?

I think you spat good. The only thing in think you should try to aim at a new topic. Alot of things, like guns and drugs gets played to much. I think if you use your skill, to ryhme about something deeper about yourself. Something original. I think it would be felt more. Keep it up...Yo peep my ryhme .....REAL ISSUES.....

Thanks for the comments, i'll for sure be changing my rhymes. I just wanted to make it flow, so I think i've accomplished that. It's on to bigga and betta things, im gonna beat this internet shit

Yo your rap was dope, i'm gonna go rap it again to myself and comment on it.

Coming from a veteran of the game with battle exp. motiviates me to do better from the inner strength...rap on.

you stink like the other side of my pants! You should stop trying to act so hardcore in your raps, and be a little bit more softcore. Why don't you rhyme about flowers instead of glocks. Freshly painted walls instead of big balls? What's wrong with you, can't we all just "be happy together"

dude, that was aight, like someone else up there said, u should probably change ur topics, maybe make ur rhymes a little longer, but overall that was pretty good.

hey yo, check out my post if u could, its called 'My Thoughts"
peace.....

you gotta mature. stop the "shots from my glock" biz. It ain't original. keep it unique. Why tell us, as hip-hop heads. what we already know!

yo dont try to rhyme about what you think will go down well, rhymes about what YOU are feelin. if you new to rhymin, sometimes the best thing to do is to jus take a pen or whatever and jus let the rhymes come. if it dont flow too good or whatever work on it. keep droppin and your own personal style will com

yo if that was your first drop ever it was good everyone raps about different shit none of yall would tell that bullshit to fifty!!!! keep droppin work on your shit and you'll be nice someday good drop