my first try at a poetic peice...forgive me if its bad...lol..its about a loved one...that i lost 2 years ago 2 a fake best friend..


Tamara A.K.A sweetie, i miss you...
and your beuaty, wut do i do?..
two years of not haven you here
have you even seen my tears
you dissed me for no reason
told me to stop breathing
why for the all the hate...?
i didnt want us to seperate..
didnt talk trash it was false
loven you was my only inpulse
i couldnt sleep that week
that you said i was a freak
i miss you babe why you leave?
i need you here..to make you believe
that what im saying is true
cant, wont lemme talk to u
you say im a disapointment
but can i make an apointment
to try an tell you how i truly do feel
explain that statements were unreal
sweetie, i miss you, I want a chance
is it to much, just one last dance....
my best friend used me to get to you
told you lied yet you say were through
all that devilish acts but yet
i have no slight regret...just respect
that i want you back never eject..
im scared for life..now thatchu left

thats a quick poem i hope you all like it...peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

nice first piece
emotional piece

"you dissed me for no reason
told me to stop breathing"

i could related to that,
it was pretty basic and simple
as i said alright for your first piece
keep droppin

and i'll have a verse for our collabe by like friday or monday ,
peace

Good first try. There wasn't much to it but I still liked reading it. I was in a situation somewhat like this so I kind of felt it. Maybe that's why I liked it. I dunno. Keep on writing..

hmm...what can i say not to shabby for your first try at a poetic view of writting losing someone is a difficult thing to go through but life involves things like this...i see this peice as a stepping stone to being able to show your feelings to people and that's why i enjoyed it i read inbetween the lines and tryed to feel the words to show your emotion to me and i liked being able to do that ....good job and keep it up

PE@ZE

simple heartfelt truely tender emotion displayed here..............don't fret about this being your first piece and all.........i've been there everyone has...........you have to start somewhere................as you grow as a poet/emcee ways to express yourself elevate............this was fine for what it was meant to be.............a way to express your feelings for the loss of someone you cared for.............try not to worry about reactions of others when releasing something emotional.......typically they won't get it.............really it is more a vehicle for your pain....good drop...........1

I really enjoyed reading this piece. i think everyone has felt that wasya nd everyone can relate its good. keep droppin

thank all of you for the feedback i'll try an elavate an give something stronger next time 1

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Good peice for a 1st, prophiit is rgith everyoen has to start off somewhere. Ez to read and able to relate. keep em coming peace