yo, shes hididng somin deep down and i dont no what/
she be acting like shes aiight,all lies, see i can feel it in my gut/
yo no its funny i thought shes was the one,you know the one that id marry/
but all these deceptions and lies is too big a weight for any man to carry/
ive had enough now, im about to break,
ive suck wid you all the way bitch, but what does it take/
forget it ill get over you/
well for a while i might be down thats true/
but it will pass along with our relation ship/
you make me so paranoid, i wanna jus unload this clip/
into which ever mother fucker that you bin riding dick/
you know what they call you, a HO, GODDAMN, you make me sick/
o well fuck it, i bet i didnt even mean shit to you/
just another step up in the ladder, a door way to pass through/
well im a tell you this now, i changed the lock/
i now what you want bitch, you aint ever again gonna get this cock/
it over, finished, you better bet we through/
although i can still feel my heartbeatin for you/
this boys love is no longer for you/
so go on slag me off and spread that shit/
cus at the end of the day you aint nutin but a bitch/
i no know you will probably be getting your bois to hate on me/
let em pick a fight, bitch try it, dont tempt me/
but no matter how hard i beat em
................................ i still feel empty/

......I loved you, but i guess you never loved me.................../
all my emotions were bottled up, i wrote this rhyme to set them free/

let me no what you think....... thnx
..........D

yo can i get some feed back on this...................
thnx
....................D

It was a pretty good peice, but try to even out your lines so it flows better, try using some more multies to support the flow, your wordplay was ok, overall it was a pretty good peice, and if you get the chance can you drop some feedback on Me and Gene Pools peice called "Nice Guys Finish Last" Thanks.

yo thanks for that feed back
i appreciate it
no really rites any feed back any more
thnx
...........D

yo i thought it was pretty good, the flow could probably be elevated a little more, but it was ok. the vocab was aight, and the wordplay was good. keep postin and elevatin man, i enjoyed readin that.

yo if u have the time can u check out my post?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167
thanx

yo i no you offline but thnx for the coment
you postr wasnt to bad either
keep it up
.............D

yo uppin fo input
much appreciated
...........................D

aight... the subject was deep, and I liked it...
but your stucture was throwed and your flow was off an on at times.... your wordplay was ok, and your vocab was good...
overall it was a good peice, just keep on posting and try to even your bars dawg...
A.T.

can you hit up my post... heres the link:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81294

Work on flow...

Other aspects were pretty good...

Nice piece...
Keep writing...
You have room to elevate...

Peep
Huh? ft Chrit

it was aight.keep spittin tho and work on da flow.holla


CTF(represent)