Procrastination is the key,
showing only slices.
Keep me within arm’s reach,
for fear I may realize this?
Are you sure of what you used to feel?
Or was that empty too?
Cause I’m needing something stable.

In search of some thing real
More than mental to hang on to
I’m done with all the games
My cards are on the table
You can only prod so long
Before I become aware of the pain
Fore the outside’s all I’ve got

So give me some truth to feed upon
Something I can hold
Whether I need to let this go
‘Cause I could let your world take over,
Reach inside me, to see I’m bare.
Allow you to fake those emotions
But I’ll just save us both the time


I wrote this whole peice off the last 5 lines... which I wrote after hearing a Goo Goo Dolls song on the radio (Black Balloon) Which is really funny because that IS NOT what the song is about period. Lemmie know what cha think. This isn't my normal style, so if y'all aren't feelin it, I'll go back to reg'lar.

Goo Goo dolls as an Influence eh?

aight not bad peice of poetry Ma. Worth reading, Rhythm is good, Vocab great. Beautifully put together
Keep it up
~WoN~

For some reason those lines reminded me of this:
http://somethingpositive.net/sp09242003.html

I can't find any other webcomics in which to relate this peice to, so I'll just go straight into the peice itself. Althought the entire One Over Zero comic was centered around the author trying not to procrastinate.

Anyfuckingway...First I gotta say, regular style be dammned. Just write whatever comes out. The more raw the more primordial emotions can be felt. Refinement is the tool of the industrialist, and poetry isn't known for being industrial.

Anyfuckingway...again...This was seriously all good. Up until the very last line. That totally threw me for a loop. Because it's the part I don't understand. A lil' explanation...?

But besides my inability to understand it, this peice was still great.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

hey my name is robbie.... could this be about me??.... j/k but if thats u tina just let it go... i got agirl now... if i not u, then coo

do not freepost.....fucker

she deserves a decent reply....

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HK The Great

lol nah it's not about you haha. Dude it's about doesn't have that internet, an if he did I think I would be mortified beyond all belief!
Necro: Basically this peice is about how I want something (a relationship) and I need something or some one to make me whole inside. And how I know who it is and what I want but I'm not sure that person feels the same about me. Basically the last few lines were that I could fall in love all over again, be happy and want him in my life. But if he doesn't feel the same way I can save us both the time.
Thank you all for the imput on this peice, it was something that was purely emotional and a new style. Definatly appreciating the feed back. Peace

necro..the last line of her poem....

theres no need to waste time trying to make
things work since he seems to be leading her
on as if shell be his forever...

thats not happenin..shes too good for that

im beter than robbie....yea thats right

this was an alright piece of poetry double t and
never switch your style..lemme rephrase...
like necro says..write whatever comes out as long
as its you doing you..like masturbation...

dont let others decide that way you portray poetry...
its the greatest form of expression ever..better than
picking up a weapon or taking your own life....do you
first n foremost...

im better than robbie...you deserve someone who
thinks your special...and can make you feel that way*
every female or male deserves that....

this wasnt bad by any means...
dont change for anyobdy but u....

la paz

i was thinking goo goo dolls or creed...

but it was just I WILL WRITE WAHT I WANT HOW I WANT IT peice...the structure was simple if any and the theme was ROBBIE who we come to find out is gonna be in awe of this peice if he ever gets to read it

nice peice and the cards on the table line perfectly SUMS up your whole peice

Con buddy you made me cry! I love you, you're freakin awesome. Hazy, lookin forward to readin ya peices gurl I was on UF for a while Ms. BHaved... thought ya peices there were good. Thank you for your response, and I just might let him read this. Thank you all for everything! Peace

forgive my lack of intelligence but i am unaware of who the goo goo dolls are they are clearly a group, is this non rap or have i been under a proverbial rock and missed some magically incredible/intelligent rap group, also dont know Creed, but to the poem, I didnt enjoy it as much as i had hoped, i had tried to force myself to like the style but i just didnt grasp the depth of it, it left me hungry, but the words were impactful, they could have been worded better but the message is crystaline, BIA! lol sike, joke 1luv.

i can't stand the goo-goo dolls......not to fond of creed either.....but you can't really choose where you find inspiriation....so.....the piece itself was powerful.....albeit a little vague...i think you did that on purpose.....never be afraid to try new styles.......i do it all the time usually with mixed responses.....can't always express yourself the same way....makes people get bored....it also brings writers block along more quickly........

Reach inside me, to see I’m bare.
Allow you to fake those emotions
But I’ll just save us both the time

^now i have a good idea what you meant in these lines but i also got a different direction from this........seems she wants something he can't/won't give her.....so she tells him to leave......you could also say he wants a baby and she can't make herself love him enough to say yes.......this sounds a lot like fights me and an ex used to have.....only in reverse....

glad to see you dropping more cal.........another really great piece

respect....

my names lady divinity and I give people bullshit responses
I shouldnt even post in this forum because I dont take the
time to distribute props to those deserving of them*

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"Fuck Y'all Hataz."

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^^Umm thank ya...
To e'ery one else: Nfamous, I'm astonished that I agree with you on this one, although anything I ever write never gets a posative response from you, it did feel empty to me. I was hoping some one could find some depth in it. But I do think that it was a bit lacking in some areas, maybe because it was more feelings than anything, I think I'm an emotional sponge here lately. Goo Goo Dolls are an alternative rock band, they sang in City of Angels... I dunno, not really my type of music either, but it was on the radio and I started singing my own words and the last 5 lines, minus the very last one came out and I was like "Oooh, write those down, Brittany!" So I did and this was what emptily poured out of me. To everyone I thank you for the replies and opinions on what I've written, always refreshing to hear new takes on things. Peace

^^ummm thank you? (see im a nice guy) and @ Lady Divinity, i'd like to applaud the fearless way you create useless posts (two thumbs up) 1luv.

yea I was wonderin about that one, and why a mod didn't come at her for it... figured some one would... But N you're welcome... peace