Its in high demand, Im looking at the time on my hand,
I want some food but its not time for me to eat man..
Right now im starving, I think I would kill for some grub,
Im just like a bum im holding signs so please show love..
Are you kidding me, It just doesn’t make since b,
My stomach cant take no more hunger is over coming me..
All the money I had has been spent on bills and cheap thrills,
Had a car but I couldn’t afford it so much for those weak wheels..
Im the kid without any money, Everyone thinks its funny,
For the old and rich it’s a bright and shiny day sonny..
Im not even embarrassed anymore cuz I want to even the score,
Ready and willing to kill a bore all I want is to be leavin a store..
And to add on there’s more, I wish I could get food stamps,
The only cloths I got are some jeans and corduroy pants..
I am not fit to be apart of this cruel world, I wanna hurl,
All I got right now is some bread and a kit for s curls..
Holla if you hear me im starving and need some food,
Im not being rude, But please send me some kind of food dude..

i think you could elavate and make this into a paarticularily good peicve, it would be a good verse but you could make more..if this is true...thats very depressing...but i think you could make something very crituqed of this...GET ON IT...lol....peace man an peep myn...*Word Yet Revealed*

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

yo actually kinda liked this piece there some room for improvement but over all i think it was aight...
cud improve your vocab an multies tho.......
peace

Yeah this was a alright piece....it flowed alright i thought through out the piece...vocab could be up'd though..try adding some multies and internals to make it flow better...but it was a alright drop overall...keep at it..and keep dropping.

yeah this could u se some elevatin but fo the most part this was a dope peice... the vocab was pretty good i was feelin it so keep postin and anyone hit this up wit and honest vote http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84896

damn i hate to be yet another quote
flow was your best aspect here...prefect it!
vocab was rather simple... dont be afraid to use big words
if people who read it dont know what it is, and they like your drop, they will go and find out what it means
www.dictionary.com works wonders

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84636