Quietly outflows the elixir of my lungs
Invincibly floating, imaginarily hung
Another syllable, word, lyric not sung

Resting the world’s open mind
Closing more than myself, blind
Lead me astray, what may I find?

Nesting into coiled breeding grounds
Calmly, strongly, my restless heart pounds
Because the noise from your lips resounds

Feather kisses upon my cheek
The nameless wonder I dare not speak
To caress me dearly, leave me weak

This is your thunder, in my skies
Your pleading, begging wake up cries
To miss deception, but realize…

I’m merely sleeping
More so dreaming
The things awake I don’t admit to thinking…

Feather kisses upon my cheek
The nameless wonder I dare not speak
To caress me dearly, leave me weak

~thats good..I dont know why....
then again maybe I do or think about it~

This is your thunder, in my skies
Your pleading, begging wake up cries
To miss deception, but realize…

I’m merely sleeping
More so dreaming
The things awake I don’t admit to thinking…

~I think you probaly had about four more parts to this
because it seems like one off those long ass poems
in those published books...ill read your long ass poetry
and like it if your willing to show it...please...peace~

Nah, this was an entry to a contest that is mandatory in my English class... something that was random but odd as mess so I posted it as well. It wasn't longer... something shorter and that I tried to portray simple things simply while explaining what they were... no joke this is about sleeping/dreaming.

Sleeping and feathers... maybe it's just me and my mind... but I got the thought in my head that this was about kinky sex.

Personally, I actually liked the lucid feel this had to it. I dunno how you did it but you did.

Those three lines a verse had me bugging. I got the feel of the beat in me so it's always four lines for stuff. Not three, three doesn't flow. And indeed, I stumbled in reading your peice a bit too. But suprisingly, the first and last verses flowed amazingly well. I was impressed to say the least.

Much respect for this.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

OMG! He actually gave me a good response!? lol nah, I'm playin, I dunno where this peice came from but I'm happy when I sleep so.. yea!
I jus broke this down: The first stanza is about the harmonious way you breathe when you're sleeping... The second Stanza is about closing my eyes and resting them. The third was about a the bed "coiled breeding grounds", and the fourth was about a pillow, "feather kisses upon my cheek". The fifth was some one trying to wake me up from a dream... while the sixth I was telling exactly what I was doing. I left it vague on purpose but I wanted to see what other people felt about it and what they were thinking, got some people thinkin dirrrrrty! Haha thank y'all all for e'erything!! Peace

Thats talent right there, what u say we collaborate?
Most collabs I start never get done but tell me if u done.
nice Piece again!

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"Fuck Y'all Hataz."

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I dug this quite a bit.

It was dense. Yet with a gradual 'flow'.

I read it more darkly than you wrote it. (Or at least so it seems. You could be hiding some dark, demented thoughts behind the relative beauty..er, or something like that..) As that's how i 'related' to it. "the things awake i dont admit to thinking". Though i never deny anything i think of. As mirky or dark as it may be. To myself anyway. To others i don't. Not always.

You know they say that the imagination is a great way of understanding the world around you. From the details, to the bigger picture. That most definetly includes dreams.

Something made me think it was once or twice over elaborated. But the way i read it, i couldn't put my finger on it. So maybe it aint there.

...resp...

it was that as well Var... I mean literal things always have another side, but the way I wrote it I thought "pillow"and wrote those lines, ya know? Lady... we'll see what happens, I'm actually in the middle of 2 right now that got put on hold cause I couldn't get on the computer as much for the past 3 weeks. An you know you can edit ya posts right?

hey i had to go diggin to find this, i rem when you showed this to me in class. i didnt know what to say b/c mainly i didnt know what to say. after lookin at this for a while though, its overall a great piece. then agian you really dont need nother person sayin how talented of a writer you are so ill keep it simple, wordplay was good, closel spelled words never fail-lol, the structure was there, and it had a nice imagination-paint the picture in your mind- kinda feel. like i said overall another great piece.