i'm here to make decisions/ the way you make vows you take to prisons/ where you get raped by christians/ and rocked by fellas/
it's amazin how deaf-blinds can turn to docta kellas/ and young kids minds can turn to occapellas/ about street corner story's/ don't wanna have to end up locked in reformatories/ we've turned to glories/ tryin to live the greatest lives/ away from gauges, knives/ and civil wars/ guns blastin like kettle roars/ got metafors/ and antonym's/ battle at school, but the lines i spit, no one answers 'em/ only i while till cancer comes/ my pencil nums/ oh shit, i ran out of adrenalyn/

Structure sucked..work on vocab,wordplay&metties

yeah i agree here, u just need to work on it,
it will come in time, work on ur structure make
the lines even & so we are reading top to bottom
not left to right, its different on the net.

You need to structure your words so they flow better... then you need more metaphors.....keep practising and you will get better

i agree that this was a weak drop, but thats fuck all, everyone had bad days, take on board what people have said, and keep trying...............try and introduce 1 thing at a time, this way you wont get bogged down in thinkin about too much at one time, i would start with some good solid multis and work from there..... keep workin on it......see ya!

quite a poor piece, can elavate like a ballooon..............much room for improvement......blabboo.......................... ...

__________________
sigs are for herbs...Thats why I got one!