I'm sittin' in school
Like a god damn fool
Listenin' to bull shite
Slammin' the desk hard
With all my might
I'm just a whiteboy
With straights ass D's
I'm getting spanked with a ruler
Blood drippin', I'm down on my knees
I'm cryin' to mommy
She tried to comfort me
But she slipped on my salami
I said back off hoe
I don't swing that way
I ran to the street
Their was a Jamaican playin on his drums
What a cool ass beat
I tried to grab my skateboard
But a dog bit me hard
I said get the hell off
But it called me a retard
I said what the? You can't talk
It bit me again
Then let out a huge bark

wack...that is all

Actually...

I was with this (in a shaky, listenin to a newb kinda way) for a bit...

Then you went and fucked it all up with the "salami/mama" shit.

Why'd you decide to kill something that had potential?

Huh?

The "dog" thing at the end was pretty weird.

But it reminded me of an old SNL Eddie Murphy character, Tyrone Green...

He wrote and recited weird ass funny rhymes from a jail cell...

Literally, like 20 years ago.

So, I even flowed with the ending a bit too.

But that shit in the middle kinda made me wanna hurl.

Peace

__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T.
For my convenience, not yours!

The Good- Flow, atleast it was there.

The Bad- Everything else. Simplistic rhymes, low vocab. Pretty much a joke.

Hopefully it was intended to be wack.

Up EVERYTHING in your repretoire.

-Formula.

__________________

huh?

you know i liked..some of the shit you had to say but you could definitley improve your vocab and rhyming cuz, damn man... it was funny though

well this was ok...you should try to make your lines a little longer though for structure wise...up your vocab....try using some multies and internals for the flow...structure needs some work...but keep at it....and keep dropping.