i was one then internet system
found out when inocent people die we never missed um
theres a lot of bad things in this world
like people just gettin treated different cause there girls
were all crazy bout earth quakes
we cry and cry when sumthin breaks
but stop whining theres real ploblems out there
like people on light boats settin off flares
people dien cause they dont have food
and when were at the table were rude
i know that to yall this sounds gay
but there are millions of people who didnt eat today
now the next time you hear me rym think bout this
theres inocent people died we will never miss

Good job. Flow was iight and scheme was kinda basic. U got ur point across and u put it across strong. Seems like u put thought into this and its somethin important to u. Overall good job, keep it comin. Keep writin. Much respect.

good job nice 4 like the lines bout discrimination againsy girls

thanx to yo

nice peice, simple but message was deliverd. could of had more depth but what more is there to say on the subject u got to tha point. kepp it up
~roX~

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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas

i agree, this piece was simple but you got the basic message across
nice, it reads like this topic does mean alot to you, that shows something good about you as a person
i like it
nice, keep elevatin
keep writin

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

damn. some real dip shit right there. im feelin that 1...... especially where i come from.

i mean deep, not dip. sorry

yooo this was like mad fly how u wrote it and the conception was great.s.tay droppin !

Hm... I'll be real with you. I wasn't feeling this.

It's a conventional liberal political commentary on the sociological deficit of the modern american republic.

I don't feel this because for one thing, it's been done before. And the other thing is, you didn't bring any innovation to the subject matter.

The trick is to bring something new, and something personal. You got to really feel it not because you feel like it's what you're supposed to feel, but because you yourself no exactly what it's like first hand. That's why I rarely write about anything that goes on beyond the front door to my house, because I rarely experience any of that first hand.

And the thing is, you probably know about how shitty the world is first hand. The porblem comes when you don't truly express it as such. But hey, that's why the goddess invented elevation.

Because hey, we've all done this scheiße before. It's not a bad thing to write this kind of stuff. This kind of peice you wrote here will be the basic groundwork for all your future peices. Hang on to this, you'll be glad you did later on.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.