replied to:
RULE
WORD~P
LoCo

FROM THIS POINT ON IN MY REBELION STORY, I WILL BE
WRITING FROM THE VIEWS OF THE PEOPLE I MENTIONED IN PT 1.

One thing the word -voice- is not to be read, just skim past it. Only the word -voice-, not what he says.

I now live alone to atone for my sins
But for my crimes there is - no atonement
There is no forgiveness for me even from above the clouds
Even he has turned his back on me now

-voice- "hello abasi. it is time for you to come out"
-voice- "time for u to remember. before time runs out"
Who is there? What! No! I don't want to remember
-voice- "you have to. your knowledge you must surrender"
Who is there!!! Why can't I see u? -voice-"BE QUITE AND LISTEN!
-voice- "the world needs u. so be still and pay attention"
-voice- "look back into your past an recall your invention"
-voice- "the day of it's activation, what was you mission"

{in hypnotic trance}
I was your below average mc with an above average plan
To connect the worlds entire hip hop population
A way for artist to battle across the nation
Without the need for a face to face confrontation
See the net left a huge hole for freestyle manipulation
Fools where claiming freestyle but if you changed the station
To a live broadcast their lyrics would take a vacation
Real hip hop was something they weren’t up to facin
Though there where some true voices that could speak the word
Real to the heart of the art but without the power to be heard
Lost in the numbers the real where mixed in with the fake
It was my mission in life to correct this mistake
My challenge? To unlock the freestyle gates
To make a live battle possible, in 2 different states
My fate, and to do so I used mans 4 greatest creations
A tv, phone, computer, and mic, including the mic stand
And with these hands I began to change the faith of man
A chain of events of evil "I" alone began

-voice- “again I ask u to calm down and take it slow”
-voice- “we still have a rather long ways to go”
-voice- “now continue, cause I now want to know”
-voice- “what became of this device, and who did you show”

{panicked voice}
One, only him, a past foe of mine
We battled before and that day victory wasn’t mine
He had crush me, scared me, made me change my style
Left broken and defeated in a state of denial
Though with my new toy things would be live, they would be different
So I mailed him a copy of the blue print
With a letter stating a challenge to be part of hip hop history
We would be the first to battle live! “I would have my victory”
Though he only pretended to except my challenge
Rather, he egged me own to obtain my knowledge
He asked me what was it called? I told him a micro-phone
It would let mc battle across states like talks on the telephone
But when hooked up to the net or rather the tv
You could see your opponent and your opponent can see thee
“Fancy C? Hello? Hello?” after that was dial tone
I called for weeks, but strangely {short spurt of anger}"FANCY CAKES" was never home

{yelling/screaming}
After that came destruction, King Fancy had come for his throne
He had twisted my invention, he had made it his own
His army swept across the lands like locus
In weeks his forces were across the oceans
HE'S HERE! NOW!! HE'S COMING FOR ME!
NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

-voice- "Calm Down! There is no one else here"
-voice- "Breath Abasi Breath! I understand your fear"
-voice- "But I need to know more about your device"
-voice- "Abasi! Abasi!! PLEASE, OPEN UP YOUR EYES"

{voice talking to itself}
-voice- "Dammit! he's now gone, eyes blank and vacant"
-voice- "though he failed to tale me what I'm truly facin"
-voice- "this invention of his how powerful could it be"
-voice- "an what effects did it have on Fancy C"
-voice- "how could a simple mic, give a man such power"
-voice- "an where was this mic now, hidden inside of his tower *?* "
-voice- "I have no time for this, I have to find spike & remix"
-voice- "with their help Abasi's mistake can probably be fixed"
-voice- "though before I go, I will bring an end to his pain"
-voice- "sleep forever Abasi! You need not ever hurt again"*BANG*


Part 2 of the rebelion will be out soon.
PEACE.

__________________
NUCLEAR CONCEPTS- DA ILLEST CREW

Niggas we dont work with tecks, we work with BOMB threats/
So fuck with us and i'll have WORD aim FAT BOY 2 at you and your whole set/- S.S.

It was pretty good. Fuck structure you had some nice lines set up all over the place. Shit was pretty good . You lost focus in alot of places, but that all gets fixed with elevation

__________________
Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

thx for the feedback pops. its apprechated.

__________________
NUCLEAR CONCEPTS- DA ILLEST CREW

Niggas we dont work with tecks, we work with BOMB threats/
So fuck with us and i'll have WORD aim FAT BOY 2 at you and your whole set/- S.S.

you really went showed your potential here man...probably your best drop yet...you had some really creative lines...a lot of positive things to say...your chorus was good, your structure fell off but you really made up for it in your wordplay very well done...keep it up peace mayn your doin good

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

i agree you lost focus but pulled it back togeather each time in enough time not to damage your verse any so in the long run a great flow was the product.

Yeah i agree this was a pretty good piece here....enjoyed the read....structure was alright, could have used some work...but like said before me other things you did made up for it....chorus in this was alright i thought...Liked the wordplay...overall good piece...keep at it.

yea i agree with Masta.....Good read Structure was gooc could work on that though.....Ya Did well in the Chorus....Flow was excellent.....WordPlay was well done....Good read For me and I Liked it I will be Looking for more of ya stuff peace...