Read my battle...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...15&pagenumber=1

tell me what i can do with and what i need to work on etc

andy feedback would be greatly appreciated

yea any help??

drop that shit in open mic

not here

closed

Ur rhymes are whack so seriously stop playin//
Ur watchin too much dragon ball.....u think ur supersayen//
(this was a punch... but a lil' too childish, make better ones)

There we go its finished and u really suck//
With the first 2 lines..i made u look like daffy duck//
(never just rhyme words... clearly its what you did here)

Im bug bunny and i truicked unto a battle//
Ive dropped the 10 ton weight your as flast as a ping pong paddle//
(stop using all these /// and and you need to develop better metties)

NOw your demolished buzzards are pickin at your head//
I lift your credit cards but ive taken you bread//
(ahhh... dunno what to say on this... try not to use fillers)

You thought you could beat me? man you a fool//
NOw stop wasting my time ive got homewrk to do//
(always and I repeat, always close wit an ill punch...)

you definately have a lot of elevating to do... just keep writing,
keep battling... read elite battles, learn their styles, grasp their
punches... learn what kind of wordplay they have... see what
won them the battle... eventually you will get better dawg....
just keep writing

u can also use more complacated vocabulary words 2 add some spice to yer wordplay
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yo thanks

Yeah, it's always nice to add a lot of diversity to your raps