http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...184#post1000184
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...206#post1000206
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...397#post1000397

yo here goes am newbie ta rb as it says ne criticisms welcome

ill spit this shit slow so that u can get it right//
i flow at the speed of light//
when i spit its liek dynamite//
with punches like gasoline when i ignite//
i make youre whole family disunite//
then i celebrate ma success with a sprite//
and dont go lukin for santa cos u just mite get a frostbite//
when i step to the mic i openly recite//
that youre lyricals skills are pure finite, so lets fight//
you dont know when im gonna hit ya cos im like a meteorite//
as it hits the earth it causes a quake but affects me sleight//
smashes youre sattelite dish so thers no gramhem norton//
for you tonight or next autumn//

yo im spite, but i cant polite, saw u mum last night//
damn!...that bitch gave me a fright//
she definatly got a big appetite//
she stuck to ma dick like a parasite//
she knew how to use her mouth and treat ma dick right//
lastly to highlight that im bright//
i have u wacked and buried then i extradite a flight//
to hawai, in the sunlight ma skin burn right//
i bet i make your head turn titght

...Hmmm..to focused on making words rhyme..you drifted off the topic...???...keep up...^^

This was ok....structure could use a touch up, some of your lines were longer than the others, try to fix that up cause you should try to keep your lines around the same length so it helps the flow out...you should try to use some more multies though....but keep at it.

yo
sfe dan sfe 4 uz feedbak
it does help
sfe
peace out

i kind of got tired of hearin the end suffix through the whole rhyme switch it up and flow to different endings, but do what cha do, holdem down

uppin....

yo peeps keep tha feedbak comin

still uppin....

still uppin....

I'm new to the site myself,first I thought your flow was a little weak in places..you seem too focused on the wordplay you fell off the topic..hey holla back at my post!

yo homie to.....this flow was pretty basic...u had a good rhyme to ii but it threw off a lil cuz o the length o ur bars....shorten em up .........but overall it was a good read n i liked it .....keep elevatin son

peace

__________________

yo sun wer uz at?
post lin in erer

dat was ma second i came up wiv thsi b4
lolz
i know is wack feel free ta say it

yo u wanna battle me?
u think u can rattle me?
oh...please, thattl be the day
but for now u just prattle on
u need to stop prattin about
u livin in a fantasy world
bitch u no u xant handle dis
u no u cant test this

ma rhymes will leave u stunned
like a tazor up ure behind
i get ma grind on an leave u twined
cos im quiker than the eye
quiker than michael schumacher in an f399
im slicker than tupac with a miciaveli book
u just a bean flicker!
i always knew u was a lesbi-an
ther...i throw u fat ass a bar of snickers
cos i know u liek fine nuts
while i sit erer drinkin malt liquor
with a a vicar from down the road

uppin....