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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-08-05, 03:26 PM
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#1
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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in my hands
IP: FEFC E273
Stuck in a motionless state.
Has fate been decided? Or should I decide fate. Contemplations reveal my life’s blemishes Like a bad oil painting, This artist can’t stand this. But why panic My options are not limited So many thoughts of failure, I start this race but never finish it. I know I can succeed, My pen’s holding the keys. My mind is the door, it’s always open And my heart is the window usually broken. Rejection is my friend, But why do I fear him. I cover my ears, but still I hear him. Got to get a way ill take a step out the door And ill fix the window I’ve done this before. This is my life it’s my destination Now ill put the keys to the door and fill out this college application |
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03-08-05, 06:32 PM
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#2
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C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
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IP: C348 5CFF
hahaha... wow man this is a good verse.. i really liked the twist at the end.. At first i thought you were thinking of killing someone with your hand.. yeah i know wierd of me to think that.. then shortly after that i thought like.. oh.. wen u sed u have no limit or something like that i thought u were talking about writting a topical verse or something.. then thats wut i thought till the end wen u said the college thing?? haha good emotion... and good twist..
8/10 plz leave feed on my poem.. The Most Dangerous Disease
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www.FG-Servers.com    |
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03-08-05, 07:15 PM
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#3
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
lol thanks for the feed man i just hit yours up
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03-08-05, 08:25 PM
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#4
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
Good,solid drop right here, nice vocab and content, i liked the way you ended this like it was just your thoughts coming out about your future or college,is what i took from it..great job with this poem..keep em comin.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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03-08-05, 08:41 PM
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#5
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...
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IP: CF4E 8780
i liked the this one .. it was basic but somewhat complex you took the reader on a ride.. nice drop . i liked ur ending .. keep it up
__________________
Â-balam balam i treat yall like cans of spam Free Time...  I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live Secret Society/Cut Throat |
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03-08-05, 10:22 PM
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#6
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
yo i really appreciate this feed back. thank you
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03-08-05, 10:48 PM
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#7
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...
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IP: CF4E 8780
cough return the favor cough .. on the one titled bored off my ass
__________________
Â-balam balam i treat yall like cans of spam Free Time... I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live Secret Society/Cut Throat |
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03-09-05, 03:11 PM
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#8
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
feed has been returned
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03-10-05, 03:25 PM
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#9
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
bump..................
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03-19-05, 07:12 PM
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#10
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
........................
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06-16-05, 05:27 PM
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#11
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Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
up....yea......
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06-17-05, 05:51 AM
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#12
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 1EAF 3328
I absolutely LOVE how you constantly switched between emotions and posed questions to yourself as if you were torn apart between two extremes. I enjoyed the concept with the twist at the end...tell me about it *sigh* It is indeed quite uhm special those college applications (especially when you're applying to study abroad, trust me). Had some insightful lines in there that make readers stand still and think bout em. Nice piece. Like how you kept vocab rather simple to make message more powerful.
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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