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View Poll Results: Who won?
Whyte Ave. 0 0%
Elemental Soul 2 100.00%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 11-29-04, 08:11 PM   #1
Keith Moon
Thank You, Come Again
 
Posts: 3,908
From: Pomona, California
Whyte Ave. vs Elemental Soul

IP:


...Topic: Stuck In The Darkness...
...20 lines min...
...check in due Wednesday...
...Verse due Saturday...
...2 Votes due on Monday...
...Have fun good luck
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Last edited by ..::InGeNiUs MiNd::.. : 11-29-04 at 08:19 PM.
 
Old 11-29-04, 09:21 PM   #2
Whyte Ave.
Light Weight
 
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Posts: 319
From: Ill Woods, E-Town
IP:

checkity check..
 
Old 11-29-04, 11:06 PM   #3
Elemental Soul
Crossing the Phyco's Path
 
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Posts: 525
From: Earth
IP:

Soul Check............................................. ...
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Old 12-02-04, 09:22 PM   #4
Elemental Soul
Crossing the Phyco's Path
 
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Posts: 525
From: Earth
IP:

To the ones who are about to read this piece,i want ya'll to get this shit inside of your heads. DO NOT SKIM thru this verse,i want u to read it and understand every single line that is written out.and i dont give a fuck if my flow is off or about the fucking structure.this shit came from the heart.....Look...........


This here is a story,about a bitch named America,
She fucked many countries over,and depopulated areas.
But shits about to get scarier,cuz she's even started wars,
Not even concerned with the poor,military's left sore,
Notice how the majority of the army,are the minorities,
And if you think troops extol Bush,then your thinking horribly,
Mentally circumnavigating Earth,then i instantly took,
All the mysteries and falsification of your history books,
Our government expunged the facts,looking to brainwash,
Poisening minds that lack intestinal fortitude,the insane lost,
America earned respect from the opulents with amblyopia,
Then she took away actual freedom,cuz of photophobia,
Afraid of the light,addicted to the bills that smell like cocaine,
After my coke head friends use them,to muse in their brains,
Look at how much Hip-Hop changed the world,opening gates,
Yet there's only been six honorary citizens in the United States,
Columbus befriended the Tainos,who gave the Spanish their hand,
But in return the Conquistadors enslaved them,and invaded their land,
Happy thanks giving,i gave u life,u said thx,and then u gave me death,
The middle passage and crystal night,now what else is left,
George Bush,a great example of a satanic president,
Weapons of mass destruction,thats fake evidence,
And you wonder why im concerned about my family,
I live in Gotham City,and ive already been thru the tragedy,
I was in school on nine eleven,close to the world trade,
I heard sceaming out the window,and saw the smoke fade.
School cancelled and my parents were called to pick me up,
Only my mom came,"the towers were hit!?,what the fuck!?",
I couldn't believe it, "mom,where the fuck is dad?",
"He had work in the towers today",her words were just bad,
We couldn't find my father for hours,i started to get sad,
Then before i can shed a tear,he appeared and i was glad,
Then we picked my brother up,and went back home,
Watched the news,tried to call relatives but no signal on the phone,
After the comotion and explosion,none of my fam was hurt.
But many people died that day only trying to work,
And its not only New York,they wanna take everyones peice,
Asia,Africa,South America,Europe, and the Middle East,
The United States sponsored terrorism,awaiting to fall,
How did a plane make such a perfect hole on the wall,
Yea at the pentagon,when the plane crashed right thru,
And did u know that the towers exploded,before the plane hit it too?,
well now u do,so dont ever judge the facts you fag,
I guess next time you wont get mad,when i burn the flag,




See if u keep watchen the news,you'll get brain washed by all the false information and you will never learn the truth about America,and the truth is,she doesn't give a fuck about us,do u actually think that America cares about the lives that were taken over the revolutions and fights for freedom?.see you can't live your whole life learning about different shit through your text books,sometimes you just gotta go out there and look for it,unless you want your mind to be stuck in the darkness,just like America is.The light is harder to find,but if u try........you can find it.
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Old 12-03-04, 05:35 PM   #5
Whyte Ave.
Light Weight
 
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Posts: 319
From: Ill Woods, E-Town
IP:

I wrote this really fast, shoulda have gone more into detail with it, but I gotta work

He takes the snap, and scans for the open man down field
He passes long for a touchdown, the championship is sealed
He’s become a hero to every fan in the college
Wherever he goes, he’s always acknowledged
What a better way to end his senior year
It appears football could be his career
Interviews and workouts scheduled by Pro Scouts
After their complete he’s erased anyone’s doubts
Projected to be selected in the first round
It appears as if this young man is NFL bound
This has been his dream since he was small
Watching his first game he can vividly recall

He heads over to his work that night
Twinkle in his eye, a smile so bright
The shift starts, and he begins to unload the freight
As he takes stuff down there’s too much weight
His fingers lose grip, and the boxes come crashing below
He falls, and a box strikes his head with a crushing blow
He’s knocked out cold, and awakes in a hospital bed
He opens his eyes seeing no color, only darkness instead
The blow to his head, has caused the colors to fade
He lives in the Darkness, his dream taken away
 
Old 12-04-04, 07:56 AM   #6
La Cosa Nostra
Bangs like bikini attol
 
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Posts: 2,147,484,064
From: Gaza Strip
IP:

Voted for Elemental Soul.

This wasnt much of a competition, elemental soul, Im not really sure who you are, but you definatly impressed me with this verse. It touches on a lot of real world issues faced by the people of america, how they are kept in the dark by their government and theres always conspiracy theories floating around outside the media. I choose not to try and say I believe any of them because I dont like to make assumptions on things when I have no real proof. But I have heard a lot of crazy theories about George Bush holding talks with the bin ladins before asking to buy up a lot of oil fields and getting denied.. And the whole war on terror could definatly be a set objective by the american government. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your verse and I look forward to seeing more of what you have to offer in this tournament. You are definatly getting my vote on this one. (btw, only thing I didnt like was that last bar, using the word fag really brought down the vocab and made the last bar seem immature.. but it didnt really take away from the overall topical verse)

White Ave, I think since you posted second to that you must of known you wernt going to win this. At first your verse started off pretty weak I gotta say, but it definatly picked up at the end and was a nice little emotional story. But I think in order to write true elevated material, you need to look beyond story telling and get into trying to change peoples perspective on issues. By giving them new light on something they didnt really think about before.

Really good battle to kick off the tournie.. Good stuff to both. But Elemental Soul has got my vote on this one for sure.
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Last edited by Nostradamus : 12-04-04 at 08:18 AM. Reason: Aiight. Edit: My bad, I thought it said 20 lines max, but it says 20 lines min.
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Old 12-04-04, 11:35 PM   #7
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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vote/E.S.

Whyte Ave.. I know you from RB..I seen better
it seems yours lacked any emotional content..due
to its narriative theme..which doesn't really fit into topicals..
use more emotion..and please fix the structure..

E.S.
wow fam..I aint know you was this good..I sware
I neva thought of you in anyway had this much talent..
it had alot of emotion in here..and I can see your
true veiw upon this,and you really seem mad lol
mad is good...and vocab really stuck out..untill you said fag lol
I actually thought that before Nos said it..but you did mad good

you win this...easy.../vote:Elemental Soul
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Old 12-05-04, 03:58 AM   #8
Whyte Ave.
Light Weight
 
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Posts: 319
From: Ill Woods, E-Town
IP:

yah I admit this was a shit piece
I didn't have time to make it good...
if i could have though, I think I had a good idea with it
 
Old 12-05-04, 12:19 PM   #9
Premanition
-Classified-
 
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Posts: 1,693
From: Uk
IP:

VOTE -E.S

basically it ended up bein a one sided battle, i know whyte can come beta than this n if he had it wud have been closer but e.s ur verse was very very gud, very emotional n picked at alot of important factors in america at the moment, i was very impressed with this verse...

whyte - ur shit seemed too basic to me i cud kinda see wot was comin in the next line which i neva like, but lik ya say it was rushed so it can be understood...

vote goes to e.s for a very gud verse....

pz
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Old 12-05-04, 12:34 PM   #10
I. Mind
G.Y.T.
 
Posts: 46
From: 6-5-0
IP:

Elemental Soul win's by K.O.

- I. Mind
 
 


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