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Shot In The Dark
Shot In The Dark Some days the sun rays shine down on his presence And the light from the night always comes with a lesson But it's time for confession, & he isn’t ready to face it So he remains complacent on steps outside of his basement Tries to erase him as he revises his statements Comprises his cards right on up threw his Ace's To his graced talents to valiant passions for violence Though misguided he'd assured his conscience enlightened So he stands, walks down the steps towards the corner Where former ideals use to conform for the boredom Now it's all broken as he strolls up towards the poor slums He's aimed for forgiveness, as it rains for his kin’s sins Soaked to the bone as he remains to repent them Rounding the walk way as his soul cries for tomorrow Although he hates all the sorrow, he knows his times borrowed Poison to swallow as the lump in his throat becomes hallow He's poised to embark and keeps moving despite the remarks .. Though he knows it's for not .. but it's a shot in the dark .. |
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damn, mentalz, that shit was tight......nice topic and descriptions.....reall tight.
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alot better than the pieces youve been writing lately
vocab was good flow was good structure was nice and clean |
ahh, sexy way to end the piece, nice topic, described very well through well determined thought process, i think, anyways, nice piece, good job on writing it, some linse were pretty fancy, like this one
So he stands, walks down the steps towards the corner Where former ideals use to conform for the boredom word, up, keep, writing, yeup |
uppin, appreciate it.
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Leave me feed fuck faces.
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very good, u put a lot of emotion and story into it without makin it really long (somethin i have to work on :( )
u have a lot of multis inside your rhymes which gives the piece good flow u got great vocab too... nice drop :thumbup: RTF on my OM- http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219595 |
Firstly, very well written…something about the way you wrote this, and ended it that makes it very effective – lyrically this was very good, and even though it is short and concise it is perfect for what you wrote about, besides there was still a lot of detail…Vocab was good, flow was great – helped by the many internals too…deep with a perfect feel to it, you are obviously very good at what you do....
Stay Up |
Really nice drop Metalz really been droping some heat lately fams keep it up..
Really dope verse, imagery was dope flowed well nice use of vocab the whole verse was on point. Stay up fams 1~ |
Real nice piece man. I loved the vocab in this and the flow was real good. The imagery like critic said was dope. I really like this piece, it was simple and to the point. Nice job man, keep it up. Please RTF on Runnin' or Ballad of Death, links in my sig. Peace.
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Uppin' for some feed.
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Word up homie this was a dope drop i was really feeling it , This was very well written nice ending i was really feeling it, you had nice emotions and very good feeling going into your drop overall pretty cool peice nice job homie.
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loved that shit, lil 2 short but it was fucking awsome. nice vocab and some multies. but u really put that shit down kidd, do me a fav. and check out my new shit. time passing us by.
S to the Z |
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=2633108
Nice Drop Fam.Keep doin yo thang It is way better than yo other drops dat i been readin |
Went really well with the beat I'm listening to. Overall this was a decent piece, I'm really getting sick of suicide and ish for endings, but it's whatever. Flow was straight, vocab fit it, overall a decent piece. Nothing special, nothing bad.
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Wasnt a suicide ending, it's fairly open in my opinion. Thanks for the feed Rev. ;)
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this was a good piece i was it was longer but it still was a good piece Nice vocab and some good multies this was right to tha point and very thought out
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Quote:
Straight up yer, honestly, thats sick. serious man...just like, spice it up more |
wat made u think of this
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Uppin for some feed.
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I liked it man..
Sweet flow with a great use of vocab.. Dope imagery man, really lovin' it.. Nice piece, keep droppin.. |
shit was madd dope id give it a 8/10
Some days the sun rays shine down on his presence And the light from the night always comes with a lesson But it's time for confession, & he isn’t ready to face it So he remains complacent on steps outside of his basement Tries to erase him as he revises his statements Comprises his cards right on up threw his Ace's To his graced talents to valiant passions for violence Though misguided he'd assured his conscience enlightened ^^^^^^^dope nice read keep droppin |
good drop dope part that i liked was
But it's time for confession, & he isn’t ready to face it So he remains complacent on steps outside of his basement Tries to erase him as he revises his statements Comprises his cards right on up threw his Ace's |
Since I dont have time to write anymore and I still want some feed on this.
Uppin. |
Jesus Christ. this is the first piece that i've seen where i've been like, whoa someone who impresses even SkYLL. this is elite. dope shiz right here.
concept - dope flow - perfect internals - ILL - first i've seen that does them right. multis - ok metas - good vocab - dope overall - 10/10 i will keep my eye out for you, i was beginning to believe this site was a waste..... |
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