Admiration
 

I tried my hand at a love song, and also tried to tell a story bout me and this shorty I used to be with and all...

Verse 1
I got a love, I also got a problem within' and/
All I can do is keep my feelings bottled and hidden/
It began when we was kids, then now it's much diff'rent/
I know you'll hear this, but I hope that you listen/
Once I wanted to tell my feelings, but before expression/
I asked a question, if we could be more than friends, and/
You replied yes then, I got to caressin'/
Your soft skin, while you was up in my ear confessin'/
The way I make you feel and the smile on your face/
That I place, hearts beatin' faster than a horse race/
In that embrace, can't replace your vivrant touch/
First time I called you beautiful your eyes lit up/
It was in your car, by the park when it was just gettin' dark/
Other folks was in they house, then our tounges was in our mouths/
I enjoyed your company far beyond the kissin'/
But when I wanted to say those 3 words difficulty had risen/
You said you don't want no relationship at all/
Unfortunately, that means no relationship with Paul/
As I recall, you was in Jamacia when I falled/
For you, to others love is what it may be called/

Still workin' on a chorus and another verse, but I'm uppin' for feedback.

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138941
Vote on this and I'll return the favor.

damn...nice shit homie. It touched me...lol....anywayz...7/10 nice work and keep droppin dawg! By the way, if you get a chance, peep my newest open mic "Why Do I Do It" thanx dawg ~1~

Thanks bro. Yo peeps I'm still uppin' for feedback on this, so don't be shy.

Come on folks, hit me with some opinions!

Still uppin' for feedback, don't be shy y'all

Drop an honest vote. Gimme a link and I'll return the favor.
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=139283

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138941

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138907

nice spit, i was feelin it...keep it up

Thanks, still uppin' for feedback, hit me up people.

nice drop peep me n emergin's newest drop....holla back n oh..
im white,black,cherokee indian,german n much more ayt?plus black irish

j'adore its tight i like the rhyme scheme , its really good , i'm a rocker by nature and my honest opinion is i coudl use that in some of my song i'ght peace out

good mane...keep up tha good work

yep dope as fuck... lady cant resist stuff like that... i'll try harder on part two...