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Critic 08-19-05 04:45 PM

Lust for pink rose
 
Lust for a Pink Rose


The love for my wife burned out due to a sexual drought
At first I had my doubts I cant bare her screams & shouts
I began to feel my life cascade like sand in an hour glass
Knowing full well that I cant dwindle in a love thats past

Beyond all thought and reason my brain committed treason
I lusted for another person my wifes relationship worsened
The desire for pink rose strengthened I needed her at my tips
Dreamt of my hands on her hips longing to kiss her pink lips

My dreams soon become reality meeting her for the first time
Just one momentary glimpse and I needed to make her mine
Personality reclined, her hair has a golden shine, eyes sublime
Her bodies divine with contours that make my heart rate climb

Rose and I had to say goodbye, all I felt was why, needed to cry
I couldnt lie, but denying my heart would leave my love dry
Went home, gazed to the sky, and the havens rained with sorrow
Not knowing that tomorrow would bring more pain to borrow

I finally plunked up the courage to talk to the one I married
What good is a savaged heart apart for the pain I have carried
We got things off our chest, come to an agreement for the best
Lust for pink rose saved my life but marriage didnt pass the test

Critic 08-19-05 04:47 PM

DQ Dopeness must peep !!!

Mizz Fyre dope drop must peep !!

mizz fyre 08-20-05 06:02 AM

this was a nice drop.....nice rhyming, nice vocab and nice imagery.....flow was on point as usual and the structure was good...keep it up.....look forward to reading more from you

DQ 08-20-05 06:51 AM

Alrighty...

Sweetie, do me a favor and write a bit more next time! I was dieing to read even more details and such so that's probably the only bad comment I can give. The concept was nicely though of and you worked it out in your own way. It wasn't really an imagery piece but yet you managed to use some images to express what you were saying. The emotion was serene yet very powerful at the same time. The vocabulary was on point: good balance between basic and complex and the flow was solid.

I began to feel my life cascade like sand in an hour glass
^I was really feeling this line...

Keep it up!

Critic 08-21-05 06:55 PM

Sup thanx for the feed Fyre & DQ nuff respect, we need to do some sic
colab soon u know ladies : )

1- up-ing for more feed peace


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