Well, first since you said you want to fix this up. Fix up that rhyme scheme, and the structure. It is to choppy, and try to add some more vacab in there. Maybe even a new rhyme scheme. You have a great idea in the making right now. You can really make this a nice write. Just put in some hard work on it. Also stay creative, do waht you do. Dont worry about what other people like. Just listen to simple advice and keep as your style 100%... G/L with this hommie...

( RETURN THE FAVOR AND PEEP THE OPEN MIC DROP IN MY SIG, APPRICIATED )

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