..Hateful Lover..

I awake each morning... sweating, swearing and scorning
As I look toward the bedpost, and just sit there mourning
Daily, like its groundhog, I repeat this same lame routine
And for some insane twist of thought I hope it's a dream
So slowly I rise... and to my demise, I cry... it's real...
I succumb to the pain that I feel as my lungs break seal
Pissed at myself for allowing this type of suicidal situation
Pissed at probation for throwin' stress at me non-stop-
This is my life.. a horrible nightmare of scare for most
But for me it's a reality and that fantasy world is long off
So I sit and I stare, dully-aware everyday, of my bedpost..

..2 months later..

Lately things have changed and aren’t the same as before...
It's harder to breath with these machines.. my lungs are sore
I can barely sit up.. without pain, and if I do.. I spit up-
Blood, like a fountain of rain.. it's a shame I can't rewind
Cos’ if I could? knowing how fast it got me entwined...
I’d change my mind, give it up, and thank myself in time
But instead I lie as breathless as the restless in waiting
Contemplating, as my sad lone existence is fastly fading..
Suddenly like showering sparks a stark part of me dies..
In the next moment my eyes swell up with tears as I cry
This is the end, where death begins.. I lived my life as a lie.

And as the respirators pause and the alarms take charge
The doctors rush in and slowly fold up his withered arms
Unplug the breath machine & X-rays of lungs is not hard
No time to waste for another juvenile is incoming soon
Gotta' clean up this room and make it anew for another
That tried to be cool & inhaled the cancer dear as his lover.

O.Y.D.